Remembering A Gentle, Loving Soul

A year ago my partner's dad died. He had been in the hospital for a few days and we had visited him just the day before. Still in spite of knowing he had health issues, no amount of warning prepares another human being to get the news that a parent has died--it was a shock.

I have seen my partner struggle for a year missing his dad and that has been hard to watch. There are somethings in life that you can't just fix--this being one of those. He was the most loving, caring and accepting man I have ever met, he had nothing but love for everyone he came across, he truly had no guile. He was a handy man and loved tools--many of which my partner learned to use because his dad taught him. While working on some projects in the house there have been several instances where a phrase: "dad taught me this" or "dad would have told me to do this"--to me, this speaks volumes of the relationship they had. My partner speaks of his childhood home growing up as the safe place where no matter what was going on in their lives, everyone knew that home was where they were loved unconditionally and scratches his head when he hears horror stories of Mormon families who disown their kids for being gay or XYZ reasons.

Partner's dad had a way to find a common ground with everyone. One time the topic of our LDS missions came up--as it often happens with returned missionaries; his mission was in the Navajo reservation and he told me he never wore a white shirt and a tie--he wore jeans and boots, rode horses & hardly preached. He was more interested in getting the people's trust and taught them lots of things on bettering their lives. He said that when he came home from his mission he was asked to share his testimony in Navajo--and because he only learned so much--decided to count from 1-10 in Navajo and throw in a GA name here and there--who would ever know right? When I heard this story I laughed, and laughed--then in somewhat of a somber way he said: "I've never told this to anyone before--except for my wife"---oh wow!! Hard not to get the feels when I remember this experience.

The family has been talking about ways to honor him at the year of his passing. Each of them is finding their own personal way of doing it and the best way I can think is to write and thank him here for his unconditional love--which I was lucky enough to receive for a a few years since I met him; he truly loved everyone genuinely--and the example of a loving human being whose legacy still runs in that family that remembers him, misses him and somehow manages to go on while honoring his name.

He lived, he loved, he didn't just talk the talk--he walked it all the way. In Mormon doctrine there is no such thing as "Rest In Peace"--you work when you live, you keep working even after you die and heaven knows if that ever stops--and if that's indeed the case he is probably busy watching after everyone, and I have a feeling that this would have just been his style...

Whirlwind of events and emotions...

I had the fortune to spend two weeks out of the last month traveling with my children--in an ideal world I would have taken them both and my partner together on all the trips; however, situations were such that I was only able to go with one kid at a time--but that also made for some really needed 1-1 time with each of them--Jeff was very supportive of me doing this so I was glad he understood the circumstances and how it all evolved.


The first round was traveling with my 15yr old daughter for a trip I had promised her in lieu of not being able to celebrate her Quinceañera (Latin version of a sweet sixteen) and it was our way to celebrate. I was hoping to be able to have time to talk to her about some things that we never had a chance to do during the separation/divorce, things from my point of view, when I had been told not to discuss 'my gay life' with her, things about her life, her point of view on many things and get a general feeling of where she is/was. Let's just say  that being stuck in airplanes for a long time sure helped--we had many heart-to-heart discussions, no limits on topics, no judgements.

She blew me away on her views on the world, my life, her life and how it all sort of fits together in her mind. Things that I had been worried about her that are really not issues and realized that there are things she does worry about that I had not considered. She also amazed me at what a good navigator she is--she did screen shots of places we were going to and was able to pull them up on her phone to get to places she wanted to visit--of course I'm biased--but I'm so proud of her level of maturity and how she is facing the world and how she sees life, she makes me a proud papa.

Fast-forward to the last week of July. My son asked me to come along with him on a trip--his original plans sort of fell through so he asked if I could go and I was more than happy to step in and being able to pull it off. We spent a few days trekking around, went to a sporting event he really wanted to see for a long time and just wandered. I had had many conversations with him in the past so this situation was different but we still managed to have a lot of good talks, reassure where our relationship is as a father/son and how it is evolving now that he is learning to be an adult.

He also did his homework, figuring out how we could get around, costs, times, etc--he put a lot of effort into this trip and as usual he is very easy going, just ready to take on the next place, walk for blocks, ride subways, etc & keep things flowing without a specific schedule and just enjoy the time. Sure, I'll be paying for all of this in due time, but then I read this and makes perfect sense in my head:

We certainly made a lot of good memories, and I hope to be able to make a lot more in the future, whether in similar format or whatever we are able to do. The saddest parts for me were to say goodbye to them at the airport once they were heading back to their home--it never gets easy whether it is dropping them off at their mom's house or an airplane, a parent's heart hurts just the same, I did my best to hide the tears and broke down once I didn't have them in front of me, but life goes on and so must I...

This year sure has been one to make up a lot of the past years I have not been able to travel. I had forgotten how much fun it is, but I also confess that it gets tiring, the allure of getting on an airplane does get old after a while but again, it is a small price to pay for the good times...

Dinner Parties or Friendly Dinners?

The idea started a few months ago after we hosted a birthday party in October, we had a huge turnout and honestly, our apartment was too small and crowded to feel comfortable. We realized that the layout of our place is not good for big gatherings so being social creatures we talked about what would be a possible good alternative.

I remember my parent’s house being a gathering place for family and friends and once I moved out on my own, before I was married my little apartment became the place to go to after church, make a batch of whatever we were eating and share with about 5-6 friends. Once I got married I tried to keep this going but busy lives for us and my friends-and our/their wives just got in the way---see what I did there? he, he--they mainly didn't get along with each other so what was the point?...um; probably best to just leave that one alone. Also while growing up my parents had us kids set the table-it wasn’t anything more than get out the place mats, plates, utensils and drinking cups but it still had the feeling of a formal time to sit and eat together. I’ve gone back and do all those things when the kids come over to eat dinner on Wednesdays or Sundays as much as possible—I don’t know why I lost that and at what point eating with paper plates, and disposable cups became the norm—funny how some things happen in life.

Um...sorry about the tangent!

Back to the issue--Jeff and I decided that we would host smaller dinners with fewer people to get more of the intimate feeling and still be able to have a good time with others once in a while. So we’ve been inviting people over for dinner—at first it was once a week but then it became too much of a production and it seems to work best if we do it once every couple of weeks—typically a Monday night or adjust as needed based on schedules; but we go all out with the good plates, the good wine glasses, fabric napkins, napkin rings, full utensil set up the whole nine yards, what's the use of having fancy dishes if they never get used?—and I LOVE IT!

The best part is that we are able to reconnect with people from different points of life, singles, couples, we had Jeff’s ex-partner; we've also invited the first friend I ever admitted being gay to, new friends and old friends—It is fun to come up with “who are we inviting over next?” and figure out all the details. People are super-nice, we get to know them a little better and have a good meal, dessert, and wine or whatever drinks to share and good conversation. Most important we are back to what both of us enjoy doing, being social and hosting people at the house.

We’ve talked about branching out and consider inviting people we would normally not have over; maybe a married couple from my old days at church, or a couple of people from our Zumba class, a straight couple and yes, even some relatives without making it an official family function--in short invite people and yes, possibly even someone that would very much put us out of our comfort zone (sounds silly in my head, I know but we need to add all of these people to our list). 

I've loved bringing this part of myself back--I really do like doing it. So if you read this and have not been invited yet, or if you’ll be in Salt Lake City soon and have an evening to spare and some flexibility let me know, we would love to have you over and as the old saying goes:  “break bread", share some wine-or whatever your drink of choice is-have good conversation and laugh ourselves silly--really, do it! 

My fair life

Well the holidays came and are gone--it all seems almost like a blur...but they were good holidays, in fact my son mentioned that it was the best Christmas he had in many years--I think it had more with the fact that he is now working and was able to do some of his own sharing of cheer--good times!

We spent a good part of a Sunday clearing out the 2nd bedroom which pretty much came to be Christmas central--where all the bags, presents, boxes, wrapping paper and crafts came to rest while we figured out who they were going to, where they were being sent and all that good stuff. Afterwards we ironed a pile of clothing that had been neglected because we mainly had casual days at work and didn't need dress shirts; ironing is one of those chores that is left to the last possible moment--basically when there's no other choice, so we pop in a DVD and take turns ironing a few pieces each to make it easier and less of a daunting task.

This time the movie was My Fair Lady--I watched that years ago with my kid. It is one of those classic musicals that I love to watch and the music is great--of course Jeff and I get to sing along this time and somewhere in there I thought to myself: "I have a fabulous life--a great person in my life, we share in all things here, cooking, cleaning, laundry, ironing and I get to do all of that while watching musicals... how much fortunate can I get?"

This is my fair life as of late...and it is damn good!

* 2012 In Review *

Last year I made some vague goals that didn't have specific tasks attached to them. I left things kind of open because I honestly didn't want to break any given resolution and I also wanted to leave the opportunity open for whatever adventures might come throughout the year. The things I listed as wanting to do were:

Something Magical

Something New

Something Unexpected

Something Scary

Well here's my interpretation of what happened in all those areas:

Something magical:  Moving in with Jeff--well this was actually the one resolution we made together, basically figure out a way to make it happen sometime in the year. We talked about the logistics, what it would mean in many different aspects and time frames. I ran this past my kids so they felt like I didn't make this decision arbitrarily and they were both cool with it. We had a couple of stressful months trying to make it all happen, because I was supposed to leave my place by certain time in April but then had to wait a couple of weeks to get into the new place, turns out that I was told my place had been rented so I HAD to be out....well one way or another it all worked out somehow and we got a nice place that has worked out for us in lots of good ways. 

It all came together around Memorial Day and the experience has been beyond my hopes and expectations. Sure we've had to learn new ways to adapt to each other and learning yet lots of cool (and quirky) things about each other even now. In many people's eyes this was long overdue--almost 2.5 years after being together as a couple, but in our eyes it felt right and I'm glad we made it happen---who would have thought that in the midst of my angst years ago I would find myself in this situation? Not in my wildest dreams...

Something New: For the first time in about 20 years I wanted a birthday party for me. I am not one to call attention to myself--I just learned to draw away celebrations or the possibility in many years of marriage and many other situations. But this year was different and although our place is not big at all and conducive for parties I invited my kids, relatives and friends from different walks of life to come and celebrate. It was a lot of fun--it was interesting to watch some of my worlds collide (my kids meeting some of gay friends, straight friends hanging and chatting with everyone). I heard from some people that it was a great experience, definitely a chance to put themselves out of their comfort zone and have a good experience. I should probably make this a yearly tradition... we'll see!

Something unexpected: Had my name removed from the LDS church--I actually had this in my head for a long while. I am not sure why I had waited so long to make it happen. Somehow or other the letter had just never been written and sent, so before the move in with Jeff I decided I wanted it done. I wrote the letter, sent certified-mail copies to the bishop listed on the LDS church website, the stake president and headquarters and heard back from headquarters about two weeks later with a pamphlet asking me to come back....um--okay---the official name removal about six weeks later. No hassles, no nightmares. 

I was glad to be able to move on and all the previous imagined anxiety I had about doing this fizzled out. In my best LDS-speak: "I'm forever grateful" for the time I spent being Mormon--I learned a lot, I grew as a person a lot, I enjoyed many relationships and friendships-some of which are still going even after coming out; my mission is still one of the best things that happened to me in my then 20-year old life--I don't regret any of it--but I also realize as Jeff calls it--that there's no place for me at the Mormon table and if for any reason that were to ever change, it would likely not change my feelings. It really was time to move on, so I'll just leave it at that.

Something scary: Some people know about this and some don't. I got a piercing--this is something that I wanted to do as part of my divorce back when--something for me, about me that the old me would have never done. Jeff got me a gift certificate last year so I really had no excuse. It did take me a few months to build the courage and yes I won't deny it, the experience was scary and full of adrenaline but it was not nearly as bad as I had expected (or as bad as the YouTube videos showed). I won't go into more details because, well--this is still my thing, LOL...

So it was a good year. I'm glad I saw the chances to make the things I wanted to do happen and here's to many great things happening this year and in the future---cheers!!

Christmas Thougts and Memories

Until a couple of years ago this time of the year had become a sad, dreadful time. Life in general had made it a bad holiday for me, but it wasn't always like that. There are plenty of previous experiences at Christmas that probably made it fun, so I'll write about a few of them:

My earliest memory of Christmas is from when I was about 5 years old. My parents had split up by then and my older sister, my brother and I were living with my dad. I remember my sister telling us about dad and her going to see the 3-Wise Men (in the part of Mexico we lived in there was no Santa, instead the 3WM = 3-Wise Men--brought toys and presents for kids on January 6th)--and she went on to tell us about the things that we might be getting from the 3WM if we were good boys and behaved...surprise, surprise---on January 6th we got a toy truck (pretty much like the one below), candy, underwear and socks just like my sister had predicted! LOL

 The next vivid memory of Christmas for me was when we moved from Mexico to Houston. Somehow or other in the move we managed to cram our old Christmas tree in the car--just in case we might need it--well times were so hard that first year with dad barely making enough and all those kids so when Christmas came around we dug out the old tree we actually brought from Mexico and put a few decorations on it. We didn't expect anything big until of course, LDS Church members came to the rescue with decorations, gifts, food, carols and goodies for all of us. It turned out to be a good Christmas after all.

While I was on my mission I spent 2 Christmases away from home. The first one was in Mexico City and the family that we rented a room from invited us with some of their friends or relatives--can't quite remember and the dinner was nice, lots of people and lots of booze which of course we didn't drink. I was asked to say a few words--which I can't even remember but it must have been an awkward message because I do remember people going back to their drinking and merriment right after that, LOL... the second Christmas was just spent with other missionaries hanging out and eating in Cuernavaca, it was nice and quiet. We always had a nice service and show with the President's family--they loved to sing, dance and put on a show for us--that's actually where I learned all about White Elephant gifts too!! :-)

Later on--Being married it meant that we had to spend time with both my family and in-laws. It was crazy because both families expected us to be there with them at the same time, it was hard to leave one house--because they weren't quite ready to do presents and such yet--then arrive at the next house and be told: "you weren't here, we opened presents already". I think that's when I started losing the joy for the holidays with the pressure of outdoing others for presents and the stress of "who are we disappointing this year"? Maybe it was just eagerness to please everyone and not being able to put our foot down and say: "look, we have to have our own traditions too, or we'll trade off every other year" try as we might it never worked out-- No bueno.

Fast-forward to now, I sure don't miss the anxiety and pangs of the holidays. Instead I focus on the kids, the babe and whatever little I can do to make it a special season--making the most of the circumstances. There have surely been adjustments in life, family dynamics and even revised/new traditions but I feel much, much better about the season and I don't have quite the anxiety levels I used to before. Sure, there is always so much more I could do so many more to touch and help, friends to remember and candles to light, but even in small ways, a lot of good things can happen. 

I hope everyone who might read this has a very

Merry Christmas

Happy Kwanza

Happy Hanukkah

Happy Winter Solstice Festivus

or

Whatever 

you

want

to

call

it...

And if you're not with relatives, perhaps with friends or in any other possible way. If being with someone isn't an option I hope that at the very least the spirit of the season is enough comfort for now until times get better--that's how I used to make it through those dark times way back when...

Hiking Pictures & Stories...

I had gone on a spur of the moment hike a couple of weeks ago with my dear friend Clive at the Bonneville Shore Trail but we only made it part of the trail, since we didn't quite know where the trail would lead, but I had every intention of going back and finishing it soon.

I got a chance to go back and finish it on Thursday with Jeff, we packed sandwiches, water and trailmix and headed out to the trail. One of the things I mentioned was how odd that within 10 minutes you don't even feel like you're in the city anymore, yet a few turns and climbs and there are stunning views of the Salt Lake Valley to the South, then a return to semi-reality with a neighborhood of beautiful mansions below the rim of the mountain--I wonder what people who live in those houses do for a living...

While hiking up and trying to catch our breaths we managed some interesting conversations, one of which was when I made the "wonder what those people do for a living" comment, Jeff said something to the fact of: "The main things in life are who I love, who loves me (family, friends) I have a good job that allows me to pay my bills and allows me to have a good life". Having that kind of conversations brings my life back into somewhat of a perspective. It is true, a lot of times we focus so much on what we don't have and fail to realize what we do. I need to think that way more often...

Once we made it to the top of a mountain we found ourselves literally surrounded probably by hundreds of dragon flies in a field. I was a little mesmerized by the view from the top and I wish I'd been able to take a picture of the dragon flies but instead shot only a view of the valley to the West, after all, you can only do so much with a camera from a phone.

I have to admit that this is one of the things I LOVE about Utah, the outdoors and views compare to very little else in other places and as much as it drives people insane because of the local flair (religion and politics) nothing compares getting to the top of a hill and looking down below, nothing matters up there, other than being in the moment. 

This is another view coming down by Ensign Peak, just as we were making it to the neighborhood down below. The total hike was about 5 miles, 2 hours, sore legs and a great time spent enjoying the scenery, the view, great company and having excellent conversations with the babe! 

Life is good, indeed!!!

I'm not gay but I think my boyfriend is...

He, he ,he!

No worries, this is not a Dear Abby story in which a very suspecting woman asks Dear Abby about the man in her life who is very sensitive, has a high fashion sense and loves to watch chick flicks... This posting is more to welcome the boyfriend (FKA--formerly known as-The Babe since he also said he doesn't like to be called that). I finally gave him the blog address and he said he is going to read it---he better post comments too since the blog is 1/2 about him anyway! :-) He has a name, and while this blog is just about as public as anything can get, I forgot to ask if it is OK to use his real name---

So everyone please waive and say: "Hi!" to the boyfriend!!

March is Over...about time!

Don't worry, I'm not going to talk about that March Madness---I'm not into College Basketball and all I really know about it from hearing people talking is sweet sixteen, brackets, going to the dance, foursome (or is it final 4?)---all sounds pretty gay if you really ask me, but hey, what do I know?

There were somethings going on during the month that made me cringe when thinking about it before it even started. This is that time of the year when the weather is cold and hot, the kind that you wait 5 minutes and it changes. Also since last year Daylight Savings happens in March, which throws my sleep patterns so out of rhythm and it takes me a while to recover (and I'm a morning person). This time I thought I wouldn't recover from it until the time falls back again!

Also, the babe had planned to go out of town and it was going to be our first time apart for more than a couple of days in a very long, long time. There was a possibility that he was going leave again for another week towards the end of the month and until word came that he didn't have to,  I was stressing horribly about it but survived this part just fine, thankfully.  The week before he went out of town I managed to I hurt my knee running, then sometime after I caught a cold so between the knee and all I missed a couple of days of work which was alright, it is always a madhouse there so all of it was just waiting for me when I came back.

Somewhere in there I had a bit of a spat with the X and she is not talking to me--it may just be a blessing in disguise in reality--in my perfect world we would all be civil and talking and well, that kind of throws things off whack a little but I'm learning to let go of the things I can't control and focus more on those that I can. So March was a crazy month, it wasn't one particular thing but it was a little bit of everything-- easy to understand right?  Now I can't wait for better weather, where I can get out and be outside more, where I can start thinking of summer activities and moving on which is the perfect time to give the ol' blog a makeover!! :-)

Back when I was stressing about March approaching I didn't think it would actually come and go so fast and yet it did in a mere blink! --must be yet another sign of my old age, not that I'm complaining...he, he, he!

How'bout them friendly Lesbians!

I don't know if this might be kind of flattering or if I'll just plain offend and annoy anyone; I didn't even dare find pictures because just like gay-male stereotypes I don't want to make any assumptions about our female counterparts (I'm not even sure I want to post this--we'll see but if I do), this is going to be irreverent as heck, and it might be the origin of what I may perceive as a possible divide but right off  I'm just going to say it: Girl-on-girl--as in sex--, really? I know many straight guys think it is awesome, but sadly, doesn't do much here...maybe that's what people think of guy-on-guy sex...SO...before I go off on a huge tangent, I'll just start typing my real thoughts here and hey why not stir the pot a little? :-)

I suppose in my own coming out journey I didn't really think much or make much of Lesbians and I apologize for sounding so self-centered (OGT?). I had heard through the grapevine that there are a few of them where I work and it makes sense statistically but never really went up to anyone and just started asking questions--I still don't know who they may be. I hope that Drakames doesn't mind that I mention that she was probably the first one I met in person at a Moho Party--and at the time she was herself shy and likely trying to figure out what it all meant being gay to her like I was trying to figure out for me-- and that was a huge contrast from the next time I saw her at a candlelight vigil with a completely new look and a hottie girlfriend by her side and thinking: WOW, that's an amazing change!! :-) I've met a handful more lesbians here and there, but that was about it.

Jump-forward to Pride last June and I saw lots and lots of Lesbians and kept thinking: This is awesome! Still as I talked and asked others about  their perceptions they seem to be that Lesbians: 1. Drive Subarus, 2. Live in the Avenues and 3. They can kick my ass in no time flat if so they choose--Again, don't hate me!!--this is what people mention the most and part of why I'm writing this--to break away any preconceived notions. I for one have been seeing a surge of gay females on the Mohosphere and I think it is very cool to read and follow the likes of We Were Going to be Queens and Finding My Way and read about what makes them tick!! I apologize if I don't mention anyone else, but those are the blogs I follow, I know there are lots more on the Mohodirectory. I have a point, I promise. Last weekend the babe and I were out dancing at a Latin club on gay night and he pointed out that there were several female-female couples at the club, almost as many as male-male, mostly Hispanic women which may or may not have anything to correlate, it was just one of those things worth mentioning because we hardly see any if at all at the other gay clubs we go to sometimes and I replied that I don't really have a lot of in-person Lesbian friends--everyone please say: awwww! :-( :-)  ;-).

I don't know if that really ever happens but in my ideal community where we all help and accept everyone, where there's world peace and we all ride unicorns and spread out glitter through town--yeah so sue me, did you read the top of my blog?: You may say I'm a dreamer-- I suppose I envision Lesbians being part of that community just like anyone else. But seriously, does it really happen? A Facebook friend also pointed out that there's a huge segment of  Lesbians that are raising children, that may be part of why they are not as visible as gay men and it would make sense, but if that's the case then in my mind that's a segment of the population that deserves access to everything in the world right--well who doesn't? There's even a New York Times article that talks about how there are even churches in the South that cater to gay couples that are raising children and Lesbians are a big part of that community, so YAY! that's a start.

So, I want the truth, do gay guys segregate against Lesbians on purpose and vice-versa or  am I just being too sensitive? Should I post an ad that says: "Friendly, platonic Lesbian friendship wanted, I'll show you how to cook and bake if you show me how to box?" he, he, he, sorry, again, I could kill myself thinking that way. Again, before I get flamed, sued or frankly, have my ass kicked at the next Pride event--I have no ill feelings about Lesbians, I'm just curious and please anyone chime in with your thoughts on the subject...

crickets...

or not!

What Makes Someone Attractive?

I was talking to the babe about who may be attractive what makes someone attractive (ok fine, HOT!) . When I asked him if he was playing "two truths and one lie" he said that he just wanted an idea of what kind of person I found attractive. Um, really? well, I hadn't really thought about it in a long while, so I thought it might be fine to write the stuff down. If I was asked about what kind of men I find attractive I'd probably have to put it in pictures, so I did a little fun googling:

 

Yes it is no secret that I find Mark Ruffalo hot!  

Some of you may know this local weather man, someone please hand me a fan!! :-)

There's other examples of attractive guys in my mind, but let's be realistic; #1 the chances of meeting these guys in real life are probably next to none--well I can always stalk them, but hey, I have to work, pay rent, child support and alimony , I don't think I'd have the time honestly---er, so where was I? Oh yeah what makes a person attractive... #2 there's no telling if their personalities are really a match to their good looks, I mean they're celebrities, their job is to be liked and wanted by the masses, right?

I hate to be cliquish but to me attraction goes far beyond a good looking man. I mean I could have a teenage girl type-crush on someone but it may be more because of what the person might represent to me than what their actual personality is. To me an attractive man (heck or a woman but work with me here!) is someone who carries themselves with confidence. I don't necessarily mean the A-type person that walks into a room and demands attention from everyone but the one that might move through the room and mingle, at least be open to talking to a perfect stranger and if nothing else try to find something in common. I suppose someone funny and nice and certainly in a non-threatening way, just someone who is level-headed and grounded enough to know that you might find good to maybe bad conversations and everything else in between. Some of you that have met the babe know what I've described is some of what attracts me to him so freaking much--but the person I'm describing can also be young or older, slim, bald, nerdy, whatever we may want to label it, physical traits come and go and although they may dictate the first laws of attraction let's face it, bodies age...

I don't know if that covers what I'm trying to say. I also realize that the first time I meet a person I may or may not be able to capture that attractive personality that I enjoy. It might take a few meetings as people get more familiar and comfortable talking and disclosing themselves and by all means it doesn't mean that once a person fits the criteria I want to develop a romantic relationship. There are layers, lots and lots of layers here. This is why in my opinion first (possibly even second) dates are not the kind of place to think: Where is this going? It takes much, much more than that to find that common attraction. I have no scientific basis for anything I'm saying, these are just my personal observations.

So, now it is your turn, what (or who) do you find attractive?