Baggage

 

 

Welcome to a chapter of "My life as a hoarder"...

 

Kidding of course.

But I think I am getting to a point in my life where I need to figure out what kind of stuff is important enough to keep, what is important enough to pass along and what stuff needs to go.

For someone who has restarted their life a few times I think I own too many things that I need to figure out what to do with--I don't mean important documents like birth certificates, taxes, college diplomas and stuff like that. 

I mean things like: 

1. Yearbooks

2. Photo albums

3. Mormon Scriptures (from seminary, mission and post life). 

4. Mission journal (cringe)

5. Other journals (cringe, cringe).

I don't think my children will be interested in a lot of that stuff--they're not religious and not interested in anything relevant to my Mormon lifetime. 

Most of that questionable stuff is boxed up.

 I hate throwing away books--yes even most Mormon books to be honest--but I am also aware enough to know that not all books have the kind of value to pass along. 

So what should I do?

Sell?

Donate?

Throw away?

If I had my way I'd probably do a huge bonfire and throw most of that stuff in it--but they really don't do many bonfires where I live.

But at least I've written about it--maybe I can start doing something about it for 2022.

The Time I almost Went to my Mormon Mission Reunion

A couple of weeks ago I received 3 messages from people: "Hey, the mission president wants to have a reunion, why don't you come?" or some variation of that. 

I joked with 1 of the messengers:

Me: "Sure, can I bring the husband along?" 

Messenger: "I don't see why not"

Me: "You're right--I don't see why not--I'll plan on it"

I then informed the husband what the plan was and he was fully on board joining me. My thoughts at the time were that it has been a long, long time since I'd seen anyone from the mission and surely 30+ years later, I don't know how much longer the president/wife will be around and I honestly did think how little things like me not being an active Mormon (or a member at all), being totally out and having a husband would not be a big deal, right?

Right?

I am out on social media--those that are friends with me from the mission days know, I don't hide anything and while we don't really talk about it and I had decided when I came out that I wasn't going to live different lives. Aside from maybe Pride and National Coming out Day I honestly don't spend lots of time flaunting rainbow flags, etc. Being gay is just a part of who I am just as much as being a former missionary, a dad, a worker, a human etc.

 I didn't think much more of it until the morning of the reunion when I felt cold feet. I messaged a few friends to ask their opinion. Most of their opinions were why would I bother going to a place where I haven't seen anyone i n years, have nothing in common and put myself in a place where I might incur the judgement and wrath of someone who might be self-righteous? 

Let alone in the middle of a pandemic.  

I'll admit to having at least morbid curiosity about attending.

Only one friend was of the opinion that it was a good idea and that a gay couple in the middle of all those Mormons would be a good thing.  

By noon, I made the decision not to go--I think the cons outweighed the pros and I basically chickened out. I saw some pictures the next day, but part of me wished I had gone. 

I can't figure out what gave me the feeling that I missed out (while logically this all makes no sense!).

Do I still want to be liked and get approval from people that mean nothing to me?  

I don't know how others feel, but after all is said and done, I don't regret having gone on a mission--I honestly didn't have anything better to do with my life at the time. It was a huge influence in my life, for future life decisions and unlike others, I don't feel like many that it was the BEST TWO YEARS--nah, but it also wasn't the worst two years either. 

On the other hand, I don't feel the need to relive the glory days of being 20 and thinking I knew everything there was to know about life, religion and spirituality--(as if!). I did talk to someone that reassured me that there was self-righteous talk, after all--it is a Mormon mission reunion--duh!

I don't even know why I felt the need to write about it, so here I am.

If anyone reads this, in my situation--what would you have done?

Remembering A Gentle, Loving Soul

A year ago my partner's dad died. He had been in the hospital for a few days and we had visited him just the day before. Still in spite of knowing he had health issues, no amount of warning prepares another human being to get the news that a parent has died--it was a shock.

I have seen my partner struggle for a year missing his dad and that has been hard to watch. There are somethings in life that you can't just fix--this being one of those. He was the most loving, caring and accepting man I have ever met, he had nothing but love for everyone he came across, he truly had no guile. He was a handy man and loved tools--many of which my partner learned to use because his dad taught him. While working on some projects in the house there have been several instances where a phrase: "dad taught me this" or "dad would have told me to do this"--to me, this speaks volumes of the relationship they had. My partner speaks of his childhood home growing up as the safe place where no matter what was going on in their lives, everyone knew that home was where they were loved unconditionally and scratches his head when he hears horror stories of Mormon families who disown their kids for being gay or XYZ reasons.

Partner's dad had a way to find a common ground with everyone. One time the topic of our LDS missions came up--as it often happens with returned missionaries; his mission was in the Navajo reservation and he told me he never wore a white shirt and a tie--he wore jeans and boots, rode horses & hardly preached. He was more interested in getting the people's trust and taught them lots of things on bettering their lives. He said that when he came home from his mission he was asked to share his testimony in Navajo--and because he only learned so much--decided to count from 1-10 in Navajo and throw in a GA name here and there--who would ever know right? When I heard this story I laughed, and laughed--then in somewhat of a somber way he said: "I've never told this to anyone before--except for my wife"---oh wow!! Hard not to get the feels when I remember this experience.

The family has been talking about ways to honor him at the year of his passing. Each of them is finding their own personal way of doing it and the best way I can think is to write and thank him here for his unconditional love--which I was lucky enough to receive for a a few years since I met him; he truly loved everyone genuinely--and the example of a loving human being whose legacy still runs in that family that remembers him, misses him and somehow manages to go on while honoring his name.

He lived, he loved, he didn't just talk the talk--he walked it all the way. In Mormon doctrine there is no such thing as "Rest In Peace"--you work when you live, you keep working even after you die and heaven knows if that ever stops--and if that's indeed the case he is probably busy watching after everyone, and I have a feeling that this would have just been his style...