The Time I almost Went to my Mormon Mission Reunion

A couple of weeks ago I received 3 messages from people: "Hey, the mission president wants to have a reunion, why don't you come?" or some variation of that. 

I joked with 1 of the messengers:

Me: "Sure, can I bring the husband along?" 

Messenger: "I don't see why not"

Me: "You're right--I don't see why not--I'll plan on it"

I then informed the husband what the plan was and he was fully on board joining me. My thoughts at the time were that it has been a long, long time since I'd seen anyone from the mission and surely 30+ years later, I don't know how much longer the president/wife will be around and I honestly did think how little things like me not being an active Mormon (or a member at all), being totally out and having a husband would not be a big deal, right?

Right?

I am out on social media--those that are friends with me from the mission days know, I don't hide anything and while we don't really talk about it and I had decided when I came out that I wasn't going to live different lives. Aside from maybe Pride and National Coming out Day I honestly don't spend lots of time flaunting rainbow flags, etc. Being gay is just a part of who I am just as much as being a former missionary, a dad, a worker, a human etc.

 I didn't think much more of it until the morning of the reunion when I felt cold feet. I messaged a few friends to ask their opinion. Most of their opinions were why would I bother going to a place where I haven't seen anyone i n years, have nothing in common and put myself in a place where I might incur the judgement and wrath of someone who might be self-righteous? 

Let alone in the middle of a pandemic.  

I'll admit to having at least morbid curiosity about attending.

Only one friend was of the opinion that it was a good idea and that a gay couple in the middle of all those Mormons would be a good thing.  

By noon, I made the decision not to go--I think the cons outweighed the pros and I basically chickened out. I saw some pictures the next day, but part of me wished I had gone. 

I can't figure out what gave me the feeling that I missed out (while logically this all makes no sense!).

Do I still want to be liked and get approval from people that mean nothing to me?  

I don't know how others feel, but after all is said and done, I don't regret having gone on a mission--I honestly didn't have anything better to do with my life at the time. It was a huge influence in my life, for future life decisions and unlike others, I don't feel like many that it was the BEST TWO YEARS--nah, but it also wasn't the worst two years either. 

On the other hand, I don't feel the need to relive the glory days of being 20 and thinking I knew everything there was to know about life, religion and spirituality--(as if!). I did talk to someone that reassured me that there was self-righteous talk, after all--it is a Mormon mission reunion--duh!

I don't even know why I felt the need to write about it, so here I am.

If anyone reads this, in my situation--what would you have done?

Goodness--where have I been?

Time flies...

It is not that I don't have enough things to say on a blog, in fact I have several drafts on thoughts that I've started, saved and think that I'll come back to finish some other time and then I don't...

I do check my page a few times a week and that's where I usually catch up with the blogs I follow or the good ol' Moho Directory.

Life is just busy, not the best explanation but probably the best reason...

I guess it goes to show for those that wander where will the deplorable path of the gay agenda that people warn you about--if you ever want to follow it:

Get up
Get ready for work (being awake is debatable)
Get to work and put in a full day
Come home
Make dinner
Clean up dinner
Go take a class if there's one going on (guitar, cooking, there's lots of that)
Catch up on the DVR if there's time

Sometimes you're lucky enough to have friends over for dinner so entertaining is a must and a very re-charging activity

Sometimes you're lucky enough to get invited to a friend's place for dinner and be entertained--works both ways and that's great when it happens.

On weekends:
Catch up on chores and cleaning, laundry, etc, etc (blah!)
Catch up with family activities
Check in on parents
Get to work on whatever project is going on at the time.
Clear out the mail basket, pay bills, plan for the week.

Lather--rinse--repeat...

A couple times a year:
You get lucky enough to get away for a week somewhere maybe fly out or drive off for a long weekend.
Explore the place (oddly enough be dead tired by 9pm and crash).
Get out of the normal grind.

Somewhere in between life happens, friends and family call/text, you check in on a loved one who is sick, you watch a new relationship bloom, another relationship end, babies born, babies grow, people grow, some get sick and some of them die...

YEP gays are causing all kinds of horror and distress on the world --personally I am not certain where I could find the time and energy for it--I might just be too exhausted. 

I have no time or energy to rack up my brains about what was said at the last LDS general conference, or what apostle or public relations media release says about me, my husband, our lives--I'd rather spend my time/energy on other stuff (I still see the stuff, I live in the middle of it--just choose not to let take a prominent place in my life).

I have made a conscious decision not to get too political on social media--what I may have to say will not change or help sway anyone's mind--so what's the point?


And that--is the story of my life...

Where have I been? 
Probably trying to live it...
Enjoy the sunset...
Enjoy a flock of birds fly by...

Funny how some things seem to be more significant as time flies (read get old)....

What's the point of this post?

Oh yeah--I'm still around

Getting personal--Tarot Card Reading

I was recently at a party and when the host mentioned that a friend of his did Tarot Card readings and would be happy to do for the guests for a modest price--my curiosity pinged!!

Before I go on--growing up Mormon I seem to remember that reading cards or fortune telling in most ways is frowned upon--some members will even go as far as not playing cards of any kind, who knew that a spade could bring doom and gloom to anyone? I honestly don't know whether that is official policy, doctrine or just a cultural quirk. Still the ever cautious me from the past would never go to the extent of having cards/fortune read or even go to a psychic--that kind of stuff was on my definite list of no-no's (more on that later).

I figured if there was ever a time to explore any of this stuff now was the perfect opportunity (okay I confess the wine pushed me over the curiosity edge!). Still--I went in with an open mind. The card reader asked me to hold the deck in my hands, have an open my mind, share the energy with the deck and then proceeded to set the cards in the same order as the picture above.

She mentioned a few things that were interesting. She did say she was not a psychic, she merely went to take some courses at the university and learned to get comfortable with the Celtic Tarot cards. She also said repeatedly that she didn't know me from Jack. The next thing she said was that she only deals the cards right-side-up, never upside-down, because, well--who wants to give a negative reading at a party (not that I would know the difference) right?!? So then she went on to talk about my cards--the revelations were interesting to say the least, but there was really nothing new or juicy and scandalous about me that I didn't already know--sorry to disappoint...

The stuff about my life that she spoke of was fairly spot on--granted they were pretty broad generalities in the reading but they were very positive, so positive that the experience brought some tears to my eyes--I know it was the wine--what else would have made me weepy!?!?!? But it really made me feel good!!. Afterwards I asked if I could give her a hug and she said yes.

Back to the part about my old self never wanting to get cards read or going to a psychic or fortune teller---in my old lives I would have NEVER, ever agreed to do that due to all the obvious dark closets that I used to live in--the last thing I would have wanted was someone seeing right through me and I would like to think that I used to make pretty calculated moves and decisions that involved low risk in my life to make sure of that--at least in my head.

In contrast, my life is in a whole different plane now; I suppose the moral is that I have nothing left to hide and it feels pretty good to be in that state and not be afraid. Maybe it is that I'm out and happy, maybe it is my age and feeling comfortable in my skin, maybe it was the wine...who knows! Have you ever had your fortune read or had tarot cards? how was that experience?

*For the record...some people in my circles now talk about Mormon Patriarchal Blessings as a form of fortune telling. I know some folks hold those pretty sacred and I respect those who do so --I wouldn't personally dare make fun--but I also understand that not everyone sees things the same way and people have the right to their opinion based on their personal perceptions and experiences--so there, hows that for disclosure?

Transitions...whoever gets used to change?

It's been a while since I posted. Last time I did I was heading home so my partner could meet my parents and other relatives. The visit went swimmingly (as expected). When we returned from Texas we shortly headed out to Cancun for about 8 days, some of it part of a work conference for Jeff and part to explore Mayan ruins and have some beach time--it was awesome!

After the return (early May) life has been in constant change/transition. We moved, my kids are moving out of the state with their mother, my partner's father passed away; there's definitely been some changes in our lives and we've really not had a lot of time to sit and think about them.

Most of these things didn't dawn on me until someone brought it up--granted, I'm used to living in some or other form of chaos at a given time and it while it never is fun, it really sends me into auto pilot than anything else and at some point things just explode--I don't know-- I was just chalking things up to "wow--things are moving fast" but not giving much thought to the impact that each and every one of these changes have or may have. The moving part is alright, it is seemingly okay, as we move into routines it will just get better with time. The part about Jeff's dad--while sad did put his family into an unexpected mode, having to deal with preparations of the funeral, family, etc, etc and having to deal with grief all of the sudden. All I can do is be there for my partner and his family in as much as I'm able to be there for them and offer my support. I can handle that as well.

The part of my children moving away is a little trickier. My ex had mentioned the moving away part a few years ago so this isn't quite a surprise, but each summer I would just figure it may not happen again, but this time she sold her house and made all arrangements to move. Granted, my kids don't spend a lot of time with me now. My daughter is 15--what kid wants to be close to a parent that much right?!?! Yet she knows I have her back, anytime she calls/texts I'm there for her--I've made a point to show this and come through and even with the distance, I'm not planning to change that. My son is already 20, I don't have a lot of say in his decision to move but he is looking forward to new beginnings. I've been in his shoes so I don't blame him for wanting to seek out a place for himself in the world.

People have asked me how I feel about this whole thing. I really don't have much of a say (although I've already said I wish they weren't moving--like it mattered!!) but the more I think about it, the harder time I'm having dealing with my kids going away. It is one thing to have them living in the next neighborhood, then I moved 20 minutes away, now they're moving a whole state away....there's plans for us to still do things together, me and them 1-1 still--so that might just have to become the new normal....it will be alright--just one more thing to adjust in life...maybe life itself gets easier to handle, it maybe more about me dealing with life changes and curves that has become the standard...just some food for thought.

Going home...

 I'm going to do something this month that I have not done for so-very-long. I'm going home to Houston to see my parents and taking my partner with me. Last time I went to Houston in 1999 my parents actually lived in Utah so technically I have not been to my parent's Houston home for over 20 years. I realize I don't HAVE to go home but it appears that the planets have aligned and it is a good time to make it happen.

How am I feeling? Depends on the moment I'm thinking about it. There has been a lot of excitement, coupled with anxiety, some uncertainty, a couple of "breathe, man, breathe!!" moments but overall I'm excited to go back, to go home and see family and some old friends, again, it is time to just do it.

See this is the first time I'll be going home as an all-out-gay-man. Not only that, I'm bringing my partner and while most of my siblings have met Jeff, my parents have not. At this point it isn't a matter of winning their acceptance, permission, even their blessing. It is a matter of them seeing me in my present life situation and where it has taken me. Now this will not be a surprise to them--I am out to them, they know about my partner and we've had several phone conversations about all of this, in fact we're staying in their house for a few days, in the same room with their approval, so none of that will be a shock to them.

The part that freaks me out a little is the always lingering thought that one goes through in the process of coming out to a new person, a new job or in a new situation, that someone will NOT be okay with it and make things uncomfortable all around. I'm not confrontational by nature so this issue creeps in my mind to a certain extent but I am also at a point in my life where I basically don't care who accepts and who doesn't, who is comfortable and who isn't. The best way I've learned to deal with uncertain situations is to NOT make a big deal out of things in the first place and most people are able to go from there. That's what I did when my very LDS siblings and spouses came to visit a couple of years ago, that's what I did when my non-active brother and his family came to visit and that is what I do with my family and frankly, Jeff's family when we attend family events and such.

Since that's what has worked in the past, that's what will be my plan, I just need to keep this in the back of my mind and move forward:

I trust it will be a positive experience--if, for some obscure reason it turns out to not be positive, then I will have to cross that bridge when I come to it but for now, I'll just remember to breathe, breathe, breathe!!

Things that keep me awake at night...

It has been a while since I've written.

I doubt that it is because of lack of things to talk about. Since the last time I wrote on here Utah and several other states have jumped head on the Marriage Equality fray and depending on who you talk to the cause will either prevail or fail; many people have become accidental activists because of this, can't wait to see how it all unravels.

Work has been insane to say the least, but keeps me on my toes, thankfully. Things on the home front are okay, we've taken on the stance that this year will be the year to travel a little, so far we've taken a long weekend to Vegas and more possible adventures to come...

My daughter requested a few months ago to cut back on our weekly visits which I initially struggled but have since realized that our visits now have become more about quality than the quantity. Still as a parent I often times feel ill-equipped to handle the curb-balls that parenting throws at me. When I lived with my children full time I felt I had a good handle on their lives, their needs and I could be there to help them with anything. Since the separation/divorce years ago that has stopped. I've had to learned to let go of many things, sometimes guilt sets in (sometimes others love to impose it on me--but that's a whole other story....).

Still--there are times when I look at my children and I see well-adjusted people muddling through life like everyone else and then I see things like this, often times posted at 2 or 3 in the morning by my 19yr old son:

Immediately followed by panic, what can I do, how can I comfort him, make his life better, what drove him to write that? Guilt, rationalization, processing... In the end I conclude he knows he can ask for my help if he really needs it; after all--what were my own thoughts when I was his age? The difference is I didn't have social media to sort through my vague thoughts...such is life.

I suppose in the order of probabilities the things that keep me awake at night are minor--they could always be worse, and I realize they are for others. I'm extremely lucky in many senses and the small moments of wavering confidence come and go...just had to get that out today, but I guess I have to ask:

What keeps you awake at night?

Being Here But Not Here

I’ve heard this reference a couple of times in the last week or so which made me think of how many times I may be there in body, but not particularly there in mind. When I’m aware of what’s happening, sometimes my brain races looking for reasons that sent me to be in that state of mind and then I think, is it just me?

Is it my fault or is it technology’s fault?

I find it interesting that it used to be that in order to get news a person had to read the morning paper or stay up until late evening hours. Nowadays information is readily at my fingertips if I just want to search; then again there’s the option of getting blasted with texts, emails, alerts about things may happen all around me, perhaps even in my neighborhood, city, state, country or the other side of the world, is all of that too distracting for me to stay focused in the here and now at a given time?

Seems humans to yearn for connection while wanting to have all the conveniences of a modern world. I can call relatives on the other side of the country, check my bank account balance, purchase movie tickets on my phone all at the same time while possibly ignoring the person who met me at the movie theater to spend some time doing something fun. See the irony there? I consider myself to be a social & extrovert, and good at multitasking, but it may just be a cop out for bad behavior...

I seem to have no problem connecting with someone on another continent and share experiences, personal feelings down to intimate details yet I don’t know my own neighbors. I sit at work with open cubicles, navigate daily life on trains and city walks with my headphones on because, well--I don’t want to offend people with the music or podcasts I listen to, but is it really a ploy keep others away? Have I have turned my life into headphone city? When did that happen and why?

There are events, parties, social occasions to meet others face to face and interact with fellow human beings and yet it isn’t uncommon for two or three (or many) of us to whip out our mobile devices to text someone who is not there, chat with so and so 1 mile away or stay ‘in touch’ with a virtual world while the real world passes us by but hey, as long as everyone else is doing it it is okay for me to do it right? Isn’t that an interesting phenomenon? I’ve seen two people sitting in a restaurant across from each other (as in a possible dinner date?) and place their phones right by their silverware--is it because our virtual lives are THAT important? Some people some people might call it the 21st. Century--some might just call it right down disrespectful and rude,

Sure I live in what is turning to be a global community. I connect with people, information, science, sports, world events, politics, entertainment in many forms of  media, but I’m realizing that all of that noise may be keeping me away from real life itself. Is that a new level of social awareness? Is it healthy? For additional illustration purposes I tried expressed my thoughts in first person--hard exercise, and not just because how hard it is to own up to my own issues--but if any change may be needed it needs to start with me.

Any opinions/thoughts?

Can I have you ignore the real person in front of you, next to you or around you so you can address my virtual, random ponderings? :-)

How do I undo what’s been done?

Sorry this is long...

Background:  more than a few years ago when I first came out to my mother (I was still married, trying to make sense of what it all meant, how it affected me, my now ex-wife and children) mom came to see me from Texas at my request. I wasn’t sure how I needed her at the time, but asking her to “be there” was all I could think of. That request turned nightmarish, she projected the entire experience onto herself—she always loved making things about herself—and in true fashion before heading home and in a ditch effort to ‘rope me back in’ told me to leave everything, my wife/children and fully return to the LDS church, an ultimatum of sorts. 

I reacted the only way I could at the moment--that she had no right to ask me to do anything,  that she was a dangerous person, she always made things about her, manipulated people into doing what she wanted using whatever means and ways she could (there’s stories I don’t even want to write about). I told her I didn’t want her anywhere near my family, I wanted no contact until I felt it was safe for me to do that. It took a few months for me to feel comfortable talking to her again, slowly and very much at a distance. Additionally my ex and mom never really found any common ground, not having to deal with each other was/is probably 85% of my problems being solved so I don’t think my ex-wife really has many courteous things to say about my mom.

Coming out fully a few years ago, I explained to my mother that I wasn’t seeking any kind of approval or permission. While our relationship has sort of improved at a respectable level, I never supported any kind of reconnection with my two kids, in my mind I kept seeing her manipulative ways with some of my nephews and nieces so in sort of a selfish way, I protected them from her—I don’t know if cancer has made her reflect on a lot of things—maybe because I don’t see her every day, but she seems to have calmed her ways—perhaps not and it just seems like it to me. 

Recently my sister made mom a Facebook profile and requested to have my kids added as friends of hers. My kids’ reaction to that initially was “mmmh, not now” which I think is fair. I saw some of my son’s postings about it, he feels she has not made an effort to make contact, get to know them; she’s apparently kept in some kind of contact with the other grandchildren. Yes they’re resentful, but a big part of it was my doing—and I admit it is my fault—I don’t know that their relationship would have gone sour or improved had I not explicitly asked her not to contact them. She is not even on Facebook that much that I can tell, but I honestly don’t know what kinds of things reconnecting them would cause, positive/negative ones? She does ask me about the kids on our phone conversations and I talk in generalities to both.

Gaaaaah, this has gone too long already--if you're still reading: I’m a little torn, but I’m willing to accept my share of blame in causing much of this, I just don’t know if it is now too late to fix it. She is 71 so it isn’t like we have all the time in the world to see what happens in the future. It’s a mix of guilt and wanting to get this resolved ASAP. Maybe I’ll talk to the kids, do some explanations and see what evolves from that—the thought has been in my head for a few weeks. What if anything can be done at this point? Is it my job to intercede, explain, resolve? Do I drag the kids to Texas in person? Do I leave it alone? So much I don’t even know where to begin.... thoughts anyone?

Dinner Parties or Friendly Dinners?

The idea started a few months ago after we hosted a birthday party in October, we had a huge turnout and honestly, our apartment was too small and crowded to feel comfortable. We realized that the layout of our place is not good for big gatherings so being social creatures we talked about what would be a possible good alternative.

I remember my parent’s house being a gathering place for family and friends and once I moved out on my own, before I was married my little apartment became the place to go to after church, make a batch of whatever we were eating and share with about 5-6 friends. Once I got married I tried to keep this going but busy lives for us and my friends-and our/their wives just got in the way---see what I did there? he, he--they mainly didn't get along with each other so what was the point?...um; probably best to just leave that one alone. Also while growing up my parents had us kids set the table-it wasn’t anything more than get out the place mats, plates, utensils and drinking cups but it still had the feeling of a formal time to sit and eat together. I’ve gone back and do all those things when the kids come over to eat dinner on Wednesdays or Sundays as much as possible—I don’t know why I lost that and at what point eating with paper plates, and disposable cups became the norm—funny how some things happen in life.

Um...sorry about the tangent!

Back to the issue--Jeff and I decided that we would host smaller dinners with fewer people to get more of the intimate feeling and still be able to have a good time with others once in a while. So we’ve been inviting people over for dinner—at first it was once a week but then it became too much of a production and it seems to work best if we do it once every couple of weeks—typically a Monday night or adjust as needed based on schedules; but we go all out with the good plates, the good wine glasses, fabric napkins, napkin rings, full utensil set up the whole nine yards, what's the use of having fancy dishes if they never get used?—and I LOVE IT!

The best part is that we are able to reconnect with people from different points of life, singles, couples, we had Jeff’s ex-partner; we've also invited the first friend I ever admitted being gay to, new friends and old friends—It is fun to come up with “who are we inviting over next?” and figure out all the details. People are super-nice, we get to know them a little better and have a good meal, dessert, and wine or whatever drinks to share and good conversation. Most important we are back to what both of us enjoy doing, being social and hosting people at the house.

We’ve talked about branching out and consider inviting people we would normally not have over; maybe a married couple from my old days at church, or a couple of people from our Zumba class, a straight couple and yes, even some relatives without making it an official family function--in short invite people and yes, possibly even someone that would very much put us out of our comfort zone (sounds silly in my head, I know but we need to add all of these people to our list). 

I've loved bringing this part of myself back--I really do like doing it. So if you read this and have not been invited yet, or if you’ll be in Salt Lake City soon and have an evening to spare and some flexibility let me know, we would love to have you over and as the old saying goes:  “break bread", share some wine-or whatever your drink of choice is-have good conversation and laugh ourselves silly--really, do it! 

Downtown Escapades

Small shops on 300 South

Signs of Spring are finally showing--yay!!

It has been a particularly cold winter in Utah and while I've learned to deal with most of it, there comes a moment when it would really be nice to start feeling the warmth of the sun and the season that is starting to change. Since work moved me right smack to Downtown Salt Lake City, I've been taking little adventures on foot during lunch.

Interesting how some places show start contrasts between the new and the old!

I believe Salt Lake is a good walking city. Of course everyone is used to seeing mainly the most popular spots (Temple Square, State Capitol) and while they're beautiful in their own right, there are a lot of other quirky places that have lots of local charm, history and oddly enough plenty of diversity.

Entrance to the First Methodist Church in SLC

What is most interesting to me is the level of interesting stuff that I'm able to find while walking around town, rather than riding in a car--yes I know there's a difference but I really enjoy this and of course I get to take advantage of the physical exercise wandering around town. I set up an album on Facebook to keep track of these findings and while I do want to also take shots of the popular areas--I want to be able to find good places that just beg to be photographed.

Interesting Mural on a Wall

Adventures in Mass Transit

 

This is a story about how I messed what should have been a pleasant experience into a nightmare just because I didn't pay attention to 1 vital detail. I was going to ride the bus home on a weeknight after work. I looked at the UTA Transit website for possible routes and alternatives. Narrowed it down to 2 and decided to head out to take a short ride on Trax (the Salt Lake City light rail system) to catch my bus connection that would leave me literally steps away from my complex. I have taken this bus home before (but probably not within the last couple of months).

What I failed to check was the map for my connection bus. Apparently the system has changes ever so often and I waited for what I expected to be my connection bus that never came. By the time I realized the error (after browsing on my phone and calling UTA) I hurried to catch Trax again to a central station which took about 10 minutes to get there, I hoped that I would be able to catch the next bus but missed it just barely as the train was turning I saw my missed bus turning opposite corners. Once I got to the central station the next line was not due for at least 1/2 hour, so I looked for an alternative route which was not due for at least 20 minutes.

I texted Jeff to alert him that I was on my way and not to panic (I should have been home at least a 1/2 hr by this time and was still waiting to get on a bus) frustration can not even begin to describe how I was feeling. I finally took a bus that took forever because by now traffic is full on rush hour. I made it home about 1.5 hours after leaving work---I could have probably walked home and be home way sooner than that. 

I felt so tired from that ordeal that I was about to write an angry letter to UTA but then again, it was my fault for assuming that nothing had changed--which had and from a conversation with a co-worker it appears that things are changing again in a couple of weeks, so I better beware. Still--and I'm not trying to blame anyone here, what happened was my fault--Salt Lake City has never really been a mass-transit premier city. I get that they're trying to get on a level of other major cities in the US but it really is a long ways before this happens and until then people are probably not going to feel comfortable enough to leave their cars home and opt for an alternative ways of transportation.

One positive thing though is that in a couple of months there will be a direct light-rail line that will be running right by my house and will drop me about a block from work. I better get my navigation skills sharpened until this happens, I don't want to be stuck in mass transportation hell again!

Cabin Fever Brings Random Thoughts

 

January came with some of the coldest temperatures I've ever seen in Utah. I don't think that the snow from Christmas ever melted. Salt Lake also gets one of the worst inversions that I know of. Some TV reports were mentioning that we live among the dirtiest air in the United States. Consequently exercising outside (or doing anything outdoors) is pretty much impossible. We went out for a walk on Saturday morning which was still too cold for much else--all I can say is I do hope Spring comes soon--it really is time to start warming up.

Last week's snow storm removed most of the mucky air and we started breathing normal again. Instead of running outside like I love to do normally I've been restricted to find other ways of doing activity, but I was invited to a Zumba class not too far from where I live and that's what I have been doing for the last couple of months as far as physical exercise--true that the ungodly hour of 5:30am made me cringe initially but it isn't so bad once you get going. 

Oddly enough the class is in an LDS Church building. Walking in there back in November was a little (no, it was VERY weird) but aside from the opening prayer the classes are pretty secular and hey, who doesn't like to do a sexy move now and then? The attendees are people from all walks of life, Whites, Blacks, Polynesians, Hispanics and the only thing that matters there is that you move in the general direction that everyone else is going---it took me a little bit to wrap my head around the things that go on there from the stand of seeing so many come together doing something that is so much fun and healthy.

Of course since I get to go with Jeff (and let's face it, the man has got moves!) it is pretty obvious that we're partners--it is interesting how we're navigating that part--most people just say "Miguel and his friend" and at first I felt a need to make a point that we're not just friends, but I honestly don't want to make a big deal out of it--there's no need to get bitchy and in your face with people that are gracious enough to provide a free class and do anything to make people uncomfortable, oh and it is pretty obvious that we're not the only homos there but if someone asks I'm not ashamed to say we're together and  I see this as my own version of building bridges and if this helps even 1 active LDS member feel better for LGBT folks it is a good start, if not then I figure kill them with fabulous Zumba moves above all else--so we'll see how this experiment turns out but I have to admit, it has been a fun way to exercise so far!

My fair life

Well the holidays came and are gone--it all seems almost like a blur...but they were good holidays, in fact my son mentioned that it was the best Christmas he had in many years--I think it had more with the fact that he is now working and was able to do some of his own sharing of cheer--good times!

We spent a good part of a Sunday clearing out the 2nd bedroom which pretty much came to be Christmas central--where all the bags, presents, boxes, wrapping paper and crafts came to rest while we figured out who they were going to, where they were being sent and all that good stuff. Afterwards we ironed a pile of clothing that had been neglected because we mainly had casual days at work and didn't need dress shirts; ironing is one of those chores that is left to the last possible moment--basically when there's no other choice, so we pop in a DVD and take turns ironing a few pieces each to make it easier and less of a daunting task.

This time the movie was My Fair Lady--I watched that years ago with my kid. It is one of those classic musicals that I love to watch and the music is great--of course Jeff and I get to sing along this time and somewhere in there I thought to myself: "I have a fabulous life--a great person in my life, we share in all things here, cooking, cleaning, laundry, ironing and I get to do all of that while watching musicals... how much fortunate can I get?"

This is my fair life as of late...and it is damn good!

Why I hate Christmas Carols

Maybe hate is too strong of a word...

Then again, maybe not. I noticed my dislike for Christmas songs a few years ago. My life was in such a crazy place then that the only meaning that I could attach to it was in a negative tone. I remember the first time I'd hear White Christmas in a season and feeling a dark, sadness that would come over me and even draw me to tears--it was usually a month or two after I felt that pit in my stomach around Labor Day when things would start going downhill that I mentioned in my previous post.




Some radio stations will go as far as start playing carols before Halloween, but it is usually after that when the songs start peeking. If I had my way I would outlaw Christmas carols until after Thanksgiving, but that's just me. I do realize other people like them and I suppose it is fair to allow everyone a chance to enjoy them--heck I even find myself singing along with some of them. But eventually I find myself needing to withdraw from them and my escape is to play Pandora Radio music on everything BUT Christmas! :-)

I was telling Jeff stories of my family's Christmas back in Mexico and Texas, gatherings, mission and church programs, some of the family dynamics between my family and my ex-in laws back when I was married, how some of those situations a few years ago started turning me sour for the season and such and then the thought came to me: "Christmas music makes me horribly sentimental" It could be me trying to sensationalize some of the good memories, or longing for as my ex used to call it the age of innocence, realizing the fact that it has been years since I've spent time with my parents and siblings...I don't know--. Just for the record my life is in such a different place emotionally and otherwise, so once I realized this I asked myself why do I feel like I do about Christmas carols and it threw me into an emotional spin- I have no psychology training but I figure it is the one thing that makes the most sense to me at this time...

Maybe I'm just turning into a sentimental old coot!

I think after realizing this I'm feeling much better. I'm not sure this means that I like Christmas carols any more (or any less) I guess I just have a better awareness of where some of my sadness comes from and I'll have to figure out how to get out of that funk when I feel it. Again, I don't know that it is a good thing or a bad thing but crazy how we learn/realize something new about oneself in a snap!

Visiting Temple Square

 

A friend came to visit Salt Lake recently and while thinking of the many different places to show him around town Temple Square was on the MUST-DO list. On the way to Temple Square we stopped by Brigham Young's grave site which is only about a block away. While trying to explain to this friend who is buried there and why all the last names were Young = a lot of his wives were buried there which brought on the awkward discussion on Polygamy and then I thought: "Boy this isn't only hard to explain but it is also hard to wrap my head around it now"

Temple Square itself it was fun; it was the middle of a Saturday so it was fun to watch Brideappalooza going on and the bustle of all the weddings going on. I didn't take many pictures but one of the statutes there called my attention, Joseph and Emma Smith--I'm sure I've seen it before but hadn't really paid attention before. I'm sure there's plenty of meaning to this statute and it paints a picture of perfection in many ways (perfect man, perfect woman, perfect marriage, etc).

I really don't want to get all anti-Mormon here--it really isn't my gig, I just found it odd--and maybe a little ironic that while there's a statue of of Joseph and Emma smack in the middle of the plaza, Eliza R Snow who was allegedly one of Joseph Smith's polygamist wives and then became one of Brigham Young's polygamist wives is buried about a block away--in another lifetime the thought would have probably never crossed my mind. However, nowadays with all of the attention that the LDS Church is getting with the Republican Presidential candidate and people searching to learn about the Mormon Church it occurs to me just how are the leaders going to deal with all of the "non-official" history that is really out there for the world to see.

Still, we had a good visit at Temple Square and walked over to the new City Creek mall where I saw a gay couple holding hands and more than a few tattooed folks and it was no big deal--at least not to anyone I was observing at the time. I guess my point here is that there are a lot of things in my life that are changing. Some affect me in lots of ways, some have not affected me in a long time and there are those that every now and then I discover in unexpected ways.

I guess it is called life...

Utah State Legislature Strikes Again

I have to admit that as much as I should be involved in the political process I am not as comfortable navigating in the mess that appears to be a legislative session in the State of Utah, but it doesn't take a genius to know that some of the laws that passed this session are just a little far-fetched. 

That's the case of House Bill 363 which basically teaches abstinence as the only recommended form of sex education and prohibits teachers to teach anything else. Not to be a negative voice of the people here, but I understand that the primary job for teaching children about sex belongs to the parents and I don't think anyone disagrees with me. However where I have a problem is that a lot of Utah parents are not interested in discussing sexual topics with their children--in any context and it could very well be that the parent chooses to call themselves conservative, but at least from my point of view (where I have teenage children myself) I don't think that a parent can afford to dig their head in the sand not address all of the good and bad issues of sex and hope that their kids will somehow choose to make the right decisions based on morals or what's being assumed as the popular belief. 

There's an online petition going around that has surpassed 40,000 signatures in which people are asking the governor to veto the bill, which might or might not make any difference because 1. The governor may ignore everyone's opinion and sign it into law, or 2. He might veto it which only means that the legislature might reconvene and override it--which leaves everyone pretty much in the same place

I think the state of Utah (or is it just the legislators?) must seem really backwards in this regard to the rest of the world when in reality is a pretty amazing place to live, great opportunities for outdoor recreation pretty much year around and great diversity---we just need to make the people who really help move all the crazy stuff die off fast and have the more open-minded folks take over; or simply involve more people in the political process and make it a more balanced system. 

I hope that at least those who dare make a statement show that slowly but surely Utah is starting to turn things around and becoming more than one-sided, right-wing, red state....until then, we may just have to be patient!!!