Get Your Pride On!!!

 

Pride is here. It is a good time to celebrate--a few years ago I never imagined that I would get to celebrate, let alone participate in any kind of Pride events. Thank heavens that has changed. I posted a link to Seth Anderson's blog on my Facebook wall as a means to get some attention and possibly conversation going, it hope it helps a little--I did get someone at Zumba ask me about it and from the comments, it appears that their impression of Pride are still the debauchery, sinful and sex-driven attitudes--I get it, I used to think the same way so I don't blame them, but I also asked them to give things a chance and see for themselves--we'll see...

I was also talking to someone online who is getting his own wings at being gay and he asked me about what things I thought were important for coming out. I don't know if the things I said meant much to him, or others--those of us who have been out a week, a month, a year or a decade--but today this means a lot to me-but I told him some of the following as one of the things to remember in the process of coming out:

In this day and age, people have a wonderful world and global community at their disposal. Being gay isn't the taboo that it was 30, 20, and even 10 years ago. There are gay people on TV, government, movies, sports, media. More US states have passed gay marriage in the last six months and we are even waiting for decisions to come from the US Supreme Court.

However, it certainly hasn't always been that way and lots of people in all walks of life have fought, lobbied, suffered and have even died (Milk, Stewart and others-- some of whom we might only read obscure references in daily obituaries, or might even mention a partner in an awkward way) have all paved the way and allowed that for us--we need to celebrate them and we need to honor them equally.

Maybe it is just my point of view--but we are living in the best of times--or the worst of times, depending on the side of the fence one sits when it comes to gay issues. I see it as a good thing, if being vocal helps people be aware of the good things that being true to themselves at any of the L-G-B-T-Q (or as someone said: "Whatever") labels or conditions attached to their identity and if it helps someone gain better understanding and awareness (and why not, even gain respect) then it is a very good thing.

So get your rainbow on, celebrate, make good of this great time and just

BE PROUD!!!

No Place At The Table...

 Yesterday afternoon I was riding trax (the lightrail system in Salt Lake City) home and at a certain station, a bunch of missionaries heading out to their assignment got on the train dragging big suitcases. Turns out that instead of being bussed from Provo to the airport, they're pretty much handed a train ticket and sent to catch their flight at the airport on their own--interesting change.

Anyway, once they managed to get in and set their stuff down a couple of them sat nearby and a conversation started almost immediately: where are you going--(these ones are assigned to Cambodia), where are you from, etc, etc, etc. One missionary asked me where I was from and after the normal formalities he asked if I attended church. I said that I don't; he asked if he could know why? I answered "I'm assuming if you're asking me why I don't attend the LDS church and I'll tell you it is because I'm gay and there's no place for me at the table..."

 

The look on his companion went from friendly to a little guarded to serious, but they both still kept the conversation going, it wasn't many stations before I got off the train, but the one chatty elder kept asking some follow up questions and my answer kept revolving around: "there's no room for me at the LDS table, I don't fit in as a gay individual, much less with a partner on your Plan of Salvation elder, think about it--how do I fit in when all the talk is about mom, dad, 3.2 kids and all happily ever after each Sunday in church?".

 

I don't think he was prepared to hear that, but he still managed to say, "God still loves you" and I think he was surprised to hear from me that I know that, I've felt God's love and care for me and that my life is good, I manage to live a full life, I contribute to society, I told them I realize that the LDS church is leaps and bounds from where it was even years ago when the only answer I could get to deal with my situation was to get married hoping to heal it, but lots more needed to be done and I told them: "when you two are apostles, please make it happen so I have a place at your table, until then, there's not a lot that interests me there" at which time they smiled, my stop came, I wished them well and got off the train.

 

I thought about my encounter for a while. Even a few years back I would have never dared tell a complete stranger, let alone a set of LDS missionaries that I am gay and feel as confident expressing myself as anything in life and I honestly don't feel the anxiety I used to feel before talking about it. To me that is a good thing and I've come a long ways; but the bottom line is that indeed there's no place for me at the LDS table--I know a lot of people try to find a place in their own terms perhaps, or based on whatever the church is willing to give them--not me, no thanks--I will NOT fight for a place where all I can hope to do is a figurative place as a server, a cleaner or licking the crumbs that fall on the floor (in the figurative sense again--I don't want church scraps).

 

It is what it is and I'm quite content with my life to beg for full recognition in a place where it doesn't exist, regardless of what people may want me to believe otherwise and well, I've made a life outside that is just as worthwhile without needing their validation--that is a huge thing for me. I know staying in the church helps a lot of people change it from within and hoping something will change sometime and that is great, but I find no use in it...it is what it is.

New Zealand's Maurice Williamson: 'Rainbow across my electorate'

Great speech by this New Zealand's member of Parliament. Lots of common sense words and feeling. It really makes other countries (hint, hint USA) look like they're still in the dark ages...

Equality Signs go Viral

Unless you live in a remote village in the Congo or the Amazon with no news outlets you've seen this sign all over the place. It all started sometime Monday evening, I saw a few people change their Facebook profiles to this and I thought to myself: "great--here we go again, everyone will fall for it and change their profile picture" By the time Tuesday morning rolled around my feed was virtually a sea of red. Part of my reluctance in not changing my profile picture was that I did not want to offend anyone so I still waited but around 7:00 am I could not hold it anymore and pretty much told myself "F*@%-it" and jumped on the bandwagon.

Several of my gay friends liked the new picture--no brainer there, but most impressive was to see several of my "hetero" friends and a couple of family members who are very much allies in gay causes change their own profile pictures the same--several times during the day I chocked up tears of joy--it was electrifying to see more and more people change their pictures to red or some kind of version of it and voicing their support and cheers for us homos...

**I know several of my LDS and/or conservative friends and family are supportive, no question there, but oddly enough most were awkwardly silent all this time--I understand what it feels like to be afraid of what others will think, that people will interpret their 'likes' or even semi-friendly comments the wrong way--I get it. I would like to think that they were silently cheering for gay people in general but most important, thinking of my partner and I--instead of silently disagreeing or hating; and at the end of the day--have to admit that it is kind of hard not to take it personally-

"Sometimes actions 

Speak Louder 

than words"

-heck even an outward disagreement but in good respect would have probably been welcome--oh well, such is life and it is what it is; I'd like to think that I should just leave alone but how? I'll have to think more about this issue eventually, but for now I can not and will not let it bother me.

Of course anything that becomes viral has the chance of getting out of hand--the following pictures have the potential to go either way, so just for pure amusement and delight:

How about some equality bacon?

How about companies jumping on the Marketing fray? A local hotel that is likely grabbing lots of customers now!

Dogs will never discriminate against you--ha!!

In all seriousness:

This movement is happening--now or people will keep fighting for it to happen later. There's no going back. I know there are those who don't agree or don't understand and they may mask it all under the banner of:

"I love my gay friends/relatives

even if I disagree with 

their lifestyle" 

If you think this way, please, get off your high horse!! 

The way I see this whole issue is more about breaking barriers of misunderstanding if we just give people who are 'not like us' a chance. We live in a global society, rich in diversity, beliefs and customs that can enhance each others lives immensely. What we each believe in is irrelevant--it has more to do with how we treat each other because whether we live next door or 2000 miles away we're all connected and it affects our lives directly. In this day and age it is unfathomable to think that gay marriage would affect anyone negatively. There has been gay marriage in countries of Europe, Canada, Argentina, South Africa and even Mexico that have not affected morals, religions or society--for heaven's sake, why is the United States behind the times?

Gay marriage is not out to destroy anyone's marriage, the only gay agenda that exists is to get the same rights and privileges that a marriage contract brings which apparently go way beyond 1000--some of the are the right to be in the hospital with my partner if he/I get sick, right to inheritance, right to make life decisions, file taxes and have access to each others retirements without having to jump through hurdles that legal contracts now have-there are lots of laws that affect this and that's all.

I don't necessarily wish to marry my partner in a religious ceremony--and especially not in a church that is not affirming. I don't want to demand a LDS temple marriage, that is not the focus of this movement at all and anyone who thinks the contrary is out on left field--gay marriage doesn't put anyone's morals, values in question, but those who fight against it are showing their true colors--just think a little bit about that!

Feel free to share this with anyone you see fit--let's get the word out:

--it is time...

it really is time!!

Dinner Parties or Friendly Dinners?

The idea started a few months ago after we hosted a birthday party in October, we had a huge turnout and honestly, our apartment was too small and crowded to feel comfortable. We realized that the layout of our place is not good for big gatherings so being social creatures we talked about what would be a possible good alternative.

I remember my parent’s house being a gathering place for family and friends and once I moved out on my own, before I was married my little apartment became the place to go to after church, make a batch of whatever we were eating and share with about 5-6 friends. Once I got married I tried to keep this going but busy lives for us and my friends-and our/their wives just got in the way---see what I did there? he, he--they mainly didn't get along with each other so what was the point?...um; probably best to just leave that one alone. Also while growing up my parents had us kids set the table-it wasn’t anything more than get out the place mats, plates, utensils and drinking cups but it still had the feeling of a formal time to sit and eat together. I’ve gone back and do all those things when the kids come over to eat dinner on Wednesdays or Sundays as much as possible—I don’t know why I lost that and at what point eating with paper plates, and disposable cups became the norm—funny how some things happen in life.

Um...sorry about the tangent!

Back to the issue--Jeff and I decided that we would host smaller dinners with fewer people to get more of the intimate feeling and still be able to have a good time with others once in a while. So we’ve been inviting people over for dinner—at first it was once a week but then it became too much of a production and it seems to work best if we do it once every couple of weeks—typically a Monday night or adjust as needed based on schedules; but we go all out with the good plates, the good wine glasses, fabric napkins, napkin rings, full utensil set up the whole nine yards, what's the use of having fancy dishes if they never get used?—and I LOVE IT!

The best part is that we are able to reconnect with people from different points of life, singles, couples, we had Jeff’s ex-partner; we've also invited the first friend I ever admitted being gay to, new friends and old friends—It is fun to come up with “who are we inviting over next?” and figure out all the details. People are super-nice, we get to know them a little better and have a good meal, dessert, and wine or whatever drinks to share and good conversation. Most important we are back to what both of us enjoy doing, being social and hosting people at the house.

We’ve talked about branching out and consider inviting people we would normally not have over; maybe a married couple from my old days at church, or a couple of people from our Zumba class, a straight couple and yes, even some relatives without making it an official family function--in short invite people and yes, possibly even someone that would very much put us out of our comfort zone (sounds silly in my head, I know but we need to add all of these people to our list). 

I've loved bringing this part of myself back--I really do like doing it. So if you read this and have not been invited yet, or if you’ll be in Salt Lake City soon and have an evening to spare and some flexibility let me know, we would love to have you over and as the old saying goes:  “break bread", share some wine-or whatever your drink of choice is-have good conversation and laugh ourselves silly--really, do it!