April 23, 2011


Not really sure what this post is about. I'll just type and let the thoughts flow.

I'm pretty sure that I am in a much better place but some days I have a hard time seeing any light at the end of the tunnel for many reasons. This is nothing that anyone causes or generates; it just happens. I don't like it and I sure wish I could always have a reason to celebrate and focus on all the positive things in my life--believe me I have plenty of them--but oftentimes the gloomy stuff manages to win--and I'm a glass 1/2 full kind of a guy!

I'm going to be running in a 5K in two weeks--it has been in my bucket list for a few years and it is finally going to happen. I had a mini-physical this week. I'm about 30 pounds lighter, glucose levels are normal but my cholesterol is still high and my blood pressure is borderline. I guess I have to go take medication to get both of those things under control. These things might be giving me some stress which when I combine with other issues transforms into anxiety--I hate anxiety, it is like a bill collector for an old account I had forgotten I had and every now and then manages to find me, dang, that's a poor example but that's how I can illustrate.

I was just thinking that it has been about a year since I've had vacation time. Sure I've taken a day off here and there and a couple of sick days but no consecutive days off. I will take a week off at the end of June but that will be to move so I'm not sure that qualifies as a vacation. The thought of moving to a new place by myself scares me--how can a 40-something feel scared I say? Maybe I should consider moving in with a roommate, I don't know, I have some soul searching to do and decisions to make within the next couple of months. I just hope I don't become unbearable for those who I lean on for support and drive them away.

Last year has been a hell of a roller-coaster emotionally, physically, financially and in many other aspects. I think I'm just...tired. I know I've said it before about the whole "it gets better campaign".... it really does right?

Isn't there a better way to be human?

1 comment:

  1. I LOVE living by myself. In fact it is difficult having Michael home from school for the summer. We watched a movie together this evening and it was nice, but I am still ready to take the trip to Chicago he is planning.