I have attended Mormon church twice in the last few weeks. I've always claimed that if anyone knows how to put on a show that tugs at heartstrings it will be the Mormons and that causes personal triggers.
Music has been a huge part of my life, I don't know how to play an instrument, I don't know how to harmonize but that has never been an issue--anyone can sing, whether you sound awful or not.
I attended a funeral, it wasn't a huge deal, I don't mind attending and I know there will be the standard preaching of the plan of salvation and how everyone needs to prepare to be together forever in heaven (that is an issue for another post, maybe) the opening song:
"I am I child of God, and he has sent me here"---my eyes swell w/tears immediately, sigh...
The next time I attend church was a missionary farewell, have to be supportive of family for things that are important to them--opening song:
"You can make the pathway bright, Fill the soul with heaven’s light,
If there’s sunshine in your heart;
Turning darkness into day,
As the shadows fly away,
If there’s sunshine in your heart today..." my eyes, my allergies, my unsuccessful effort to keep tears from rolling down...ugh, ugh!
Why is that such a trigger?
By the way, about 95% of my Mormon life was spent in Spanish wards, I don't really know most church songs in English, naturally by the end of the song I've switched to Spanish:
Vivirás en dulce paz,
alegría y solaz,
si hay gozo en tu ser,
y tu alma gozará
del amor que Dios le da,
si hay gozo en tu corazón.
Si hay gozo en tu ser,
tú podrás iluminar tu sendero al andar,
olvidando tu pesar,
si hay gozo en tu corazón.
I heard someone mention the term "the age of innocence"--I think that is what happens to my heart and my brain when I hear Mormon hymns--they're so freaking implanted in my psyche. Thoughts of growing up, innocent childhood, learning catchy songs, singing along--that's got to be it!!
It isn't that I miss church, I don't miss the doctrine, the policies, the unwelcoming homophobia and many at times the front that looks like someone is being super nice when that's not really what's going on.
But I probably miss the music the most and I'll admit of being a fan of the MoTab choir and sometimes catch the broadcasts. I can go years without even thinking about it and suddenly I'll think of an old hymn, it isn't unusual for the husband and I to sing hymns together sometimes out of nowhere (shrug)
Whew! that feels good to get it out of my system! I don't think it is something to be ashamed of, just an observation of what triggers my heart and soul.
If anyone reads this:
What are your triggers?
