February 27, 2011

Belgium couple update: Samuel is home with his dads!!

I had previously posted the Youtube video of the guys in Belgium whose son was stuck in Ukraine due to all the legal red-tape. Finally after a lot of support, petitions Samuel is coming home!

Oddly enough we were watching a movie last night: Patrick 1.5 that my good friend Controllerone had recommended and it dawned on me that the definition of families is nothing like many people would like to think: A mom, a dad, two kids and a dog. Families come in all shapes and sizes nowadays. Just look around your neighborhoods and people that you work with and soon enough you'll realize that families are much more than that.

I'm glad that at least as humanity we're coming along in learning that all we need is love... God bless John, Paul, George and Ringo for teaching us that!


February 21, 2011

Random Thoughts...

I got the link to this article from an online support group I participate in which they estimate that about 2 million people are married to a gay person. The story is interesting but the comments at the bottom are probably worth more than the article itself and frankly, I think the 2 million # is underestimating...

I was mentioning to someone that at times I feel like I'm losing touch with my kids. I don't know when they have school events, parent-teacher conferences or other stuff that I'd like to be part of but for some reason I don't want to force the issue. Sure, I could look @'their school websites and just show up but part of my evil self says if I'm not included I shouldn't care... and yet I do...

Sometimes I feel like the only reason I'm allowed to see my kids is because it is close to "child support/alimony due date" I know it isn't really true but still feels like it...

The X thinks that I'm practically living with the babe and he also thinks I dedicate a lot of my time with the kids... Neither of which is anywhere near the truth...which sometimes leaves me in the middle of two worlds that don't fit in with the other and there's really nowhere to turn. I don't like it but at least for the forceable future that's not going to change...

Sometimes I feel like a true failure as a person. Couldn't manage a marriage, cant manage being a parent and that seems to spill over into other areas of my life... Sometimes I don't know wether I'm coming or going, the control freak in me doesn't like that and the doldrums of my life start... Some may say I'm reaching out for pity but that's not really the case... oftentimes I just need to vent a little and I've discovered that I get like this once in a blue moon, i guess it is normal and I really snap out of it pretty fast, no worries and no need to call the calvary. There are others who have it 100 times worse and they still manage to function just fine, compared to others my life is a bed or roses. 

Good night!

February 10, 2011

LDS Shades of Gray

I listened to Steven Fehr’s podcast on Mormon Expressions. This is a guy who lives with his partner, was excommunicated from the LDS church and yet remains active (as much as he can be active as an excommunicated member of the church). I was moved by his words and actions more than I anticipated and have nothing but respect for him-even if I don’t know him--mainly because given the circumstances; I don’t know that I would be able to do the same.

I’ve been hearing a resounding topic around the Moho blogsphere: “Don’t give up hope in the church, don’t throw the baby with the bathwater…it is possible to make change from within the church…” I hear what’s being said, I see points of view and I respect them--I really do even if I haven’t chosen the same path and I’m glad that if anything we have going in the Moho community is the sense of respect for each other’s decisions and how we got there. Arriving to a comfortable, personal decision is never easy.

One of the points made in the podcast (not sure if it was made by him or the facilitator) was that many members of the church—or a given church-- don’t really believe in some of the doctrines or might interpret them to their own liking (read advantage). This is something I’ve heard in my conversations with other members, some are very active, and some are semi-active and even a few jack-Mormons. I even had this conversation with my mother and she said the same thing. Oddly enough I don’t really hear that from many ex-Mormons…we seem to be the ones who believed it all…

Did I miss something while growing up? My experience in the church was not much different than any other kid in the 80’s (yes I’m old). I remember attending seminary, Sunday school, blah, blah, blah…and I’m trying to think of a time in which someone may have mentioned that they really didn’t believe in something—well publicly anyway— sure I squirmed a little when someone talked about polygamy, but other than that; was I naïve believing it all or was there a point when it was ok not to believe in something? What about hot or cold = yes and lukewarm = God would spit you out? Now I see that shades of gray are more real than I ever considered possible, perhaps it is one of the unspoken order of things…I’m having fun with the mental gymnastics! Certainly making temple covenants none of them say: “just keep the ones you like, the other ones are not as important” do they? Is there a Spirit of the Law lesson I missed somewhere? I believed in the concept of “Examine everything, hold on to the good” but I thought it only applied to things outside of the church, it never dawned on me that it may apply equally to church doctrine/principles and teachings from the leaders…silly me!

Now as an old man I realize that believing everything without question wasn’t such a good thing, just like rejecting everything is probably not the best either, but how then do we foster a culture in which people feel comfortable NOT believing something but also being able to talk about it? Is this something that is shared in confidence with non-members? Is this a topic of conversation for family dinner on Sundays? How does this get around, do people sit around talking about those who believe, while we’re serving for the 9th hour at church on Sunday and it doesn’t seem like we’ll go home anytime soon?
I’m a little perplexed at the contradiction and I struggle with this.  Having said that, would it be possible for me to go back to church, take a chance of being accepted, as an openly gay man possibly with a partner—yeah I understand I would have to be excommunicated and all—but still get the community and fellowship? I don’t know. Part of me would like to try the experiment because losing my religion was one of the most traumatic events of my life, but at this point in my life I wouldn’t find any real value in going back. If I can survive leaving my faith and a divorce, I’m certain I can survive anything! Yes, I’ve gone to the end of my rope and became a bitter ex-Mo, very vocal for a while, but I no longer feel that way, if anything I’ve learned to give members of the church the same respect I demanded from them for leaving it and that’s a very good thing and possibly the best I can do. I respect those who endure, in spite of what they may be openly told or behind their back; sadly I just don’t have it in me.

I suppose we’re all in different circumstances and want/need/get different things and after thinking about this a lot I come up with the same conclusion, but someone, anyone please feel free to chime in and/or add your own ideas. 

February 07, 2011

The Power of the Nap

I'm not sure how I learned about The Art Of Manliness website (probably got it from someone's links) but every now and then there are interesting articles and advice that just make sense to add into life--anyone's life for that matter, not just men. Such is today's topic: Unleash the Power of the Nap. I'm one of those people that used to fall asleep at the movie theater or watching a TV show--turns out that used to be caused by sleep apnea which is a whole other medical issue--but this is completely different. If you have the time to read the article it says that our overworked society almost makes it taboo to dedicate down time to recharge but turns out that the habit of taking a siesta is not just out of laziness, it originated in Roman times, passed down to Spaniards and now I understand why a lot of businesses in Mexico (and Latin America) actually have prescribed down time during the day.

The article also says that naps can be nice and invigorating and that they may need to be tailored according to how you need to replace your energy--right like I have that much control of my life?  Sadly I don't take them or don't take advantage of them like I should. I've always enjoyed a cat nap on Sunday afternoons and I do notice the difference it makes--but I can't do that really late in the day, say no later than 2 and only for about 20 minutes or so or then it messes up my sleep patterns and I'm wide awake when I shouldn't be but never, never take a nap during the week, I mean that would obstruct with so many things going on in my life (walk, gym, blogging, Facebook, catch up with friends, pay bills) sounds like I ought to re-evaluate my priorities! :-) 

So for now I do enjoy the occasional weekend catnap especially if I can get some sun rays shinning through the window (and if a certain-someone happens to be at my house and we get to cuddle) now that's pure bliss! I can understand having little kids and take a nap right along side when they crash--but my babies have never been the kind to do that even when they were toddlers they were always going and going and nowadays pinning down a teenager would probably just be plain annoying to them. Finally the article does have some suggestions on how to incorporate it into one's life, it is worth a try I suppose.

So do you nap? Do you wish you could--now that I think about it, I wish I did!!

February 02, 2011

Belgian gay couple is waiting for their own son.

This is just heart-breaking to me as a parent and a human being. A lot of people don't have the access to their kids for one reason or another and that is hard enough, but to have to leave your child in an orphanage? You'll have to click on the link for the English Captioning. Once you're done watching then go sign the petition.