I got the link to this article from an online support group I participate in which they estimate that about 2 million people are married to a gay person. The story is interesting but the comments at the bottom are probably worth more than the article itself and frankly, I think the 2 million # is underestimating...
I was mentioning to someone that at times I feel like I'm losing touch with my kids. I don't know when they have school events, parent-teacher conferences or other stuff that I'd like to be part of but for some reason I don't want to force the issue. Sure, I could look @'their school websites and just show up but part of my evil self says if I'm not included I shouldn't care... and yet I do...
Sometimes I feel like the only reason I'm allowed to see my kids is because it is close to "child support/alimony due date" I know it isn't really true but still feels like it...
The X thinks that I'm practically living with the babe and he also thinks I dedicate a lot of my time with the kids... Neither of which is anywhere near the truth...which sometimes leaves me in the middle of two worlds that don't fit in with the other and there's really nowhere to turn. I don't like it but at least for the forceable future that's not going to change...
Sometimes I feel like a true failure as a person. Couldn't manage a marriage, cant manage being a parent and that seems to spill over into other areas of my life... Sometimes I don't know wether I'm coming or going, the control freak in me doesn't like that and the doldrums of my life start... Some may say I'm reaching out for pity but that's not really the case... oftentimes I just need to vent a little and I've discovered that I get like this once in a blue moon, i guess it is normal and I really snap out of it pretty fast, no worries and no need to call the calvary. There are others who have it 100 times worse and they still manage to function just fine, compared to others my life is a bed or roses.
Good night!
Just take a moment and look around and you'll realize just how good you have it!
ReplyDeleteTake care, Miguel. We all understand the need to vent and to just plain feel what we need to feel before we get up, dust off and pick up where we left off. Lots of good thoughts and hugs your way.
ReplyDeleteThanks you two. I usually am able to get out of this mode quickly but thanks for the notes!
ReplyDeleteHugs,Miguel
Sounds like a bit of a rough spot. Good luck getting through it!
ReplyDeleteThere is nothing wrong with just showing up to school events. I am sure that your kids want you there.
ReplyDeleteHi Mr C.
ReplyDeleteThanks, it was rough for a bit, but "someone" told me to just talk and let it all out and made me feel much better followed by some pampering and TLC--I'm blessed beyond belief!
Kiley: My son is OK but he's so dang absent-minded that he forgets to tell me when things are happening. The X told me my daughter 'doesn't want me' at the school for functions or PT conferences. Oddly enough dropping her off and picking her up are allowed activities. But I do email her teacher and know what's going on that way. I almost asked my daughter if that's really how she feels but don't want to add to the conflict and put her in the middle. It all works out one way or another. Thanks for the note.
Hugs,Miguel
I don't know your childrens' ages, but if they are old enough - wait, I remember son learned to drive so I am guessing they ARE old enough - I think you should ask them. I am looking at it from the ex-wife perspective. My ex would bitch that he never knew what was going on, but he never asked! I would give him a school calendar and an orchestra calendar at the beginning of the school year so he KNEW when it was supposed to be Parent teacher conferences, report cards, etc, but he never asked me or the children for any more details, nor contacted teachers to set up his own conference time etc... In a perfect world we would all be able to co-parent so well that we would go to one PT conference together - HA! That will probably never happen, but I really advise you to be pro-active in this stuff. Just say to your daughter something like, "I'm really happy you're in (activity). I'd love to see you play." If she doesn't want you she'll say she doesn't know when the next event is or mumble something... if she wants you she'll make sure you get the info. And honestly, I HATED it when my ex would come to the kids' concerts, (he only came to one a year, usually, anyway), but I knew it was important for the children. I would just hang with my friends until he left, then I'd do my praise, congratulations, etc. I don't know your custody situation, but if it is joint, even if their mom has physical custody, you have a right to all this information. If the children tell you they don't want you to come or make it clear by their actions it will hurt you, I know it, but later they WILL remember that you wanted to come and that you were interested in their lives and activities.
ReplyDeleteI'm a nosy unsolicited advice giver so ignore me if you want. I also know that I was considered the "bad" one, church-wise, and our roles are someone reversed there. And everyone's experiences are different, but I think just letting the children know that you'd like to be there will help your relationships. If the babe doesn't accept that you want and need to participate in the children's activities perhaps he's not THE ONE (says the woman who sleeps alone every night and mostly has for almost 20 years).
Hope!
ReplyDeleteThe X knows that I can access their school calendars (I showed her how to get them, he, he). It is just one of those "don't want you here" things, who knows she'll get over herself in time I'm sure. The kids do know I want to be part of their activities so we'll make it happen. The babe does support me in this, if anything he is always asking what's going on in their school lives and like you say: "In a perfect world" he wouldn't even mind tagging along to watch them in a game or something... he's that great! Anyway, thanks for the thoughts though.
Hugs,Miguel