I Want My Dad to Finally Come Out

I read this link today from the Advocate:

http://www.advocate.com/commentary/2013/09/20/op-ed-i-want-my-dad-finally-come-out

My heart broke in many pieces reading the writings of this gay man's child.

I saw myself and yes, even the pain of my ex and kids in many of the paragraphs, the pain that is felt between the lines. Quite honestly when my ex-wife told me that I was not only hurting her (I had known that for a long time) but that the kids were also being hurt with all of the mess we were causing I couldn't handle it anymore and decided it was time to come out---in many ways even at the price paid, things never got as bad as the article.

Often times as parents we think we're protecting others from pain and misery, but in reality I think I was trying to protect myself. I can't say it was easy, I can't say it wasn't painful--there have been few if anything more painful than separating, not being able to tuck my kids in bed every night and be there for their waking up time, but after many years I can say it has been worth it.

Any Moho (and non) contemplating marrying a woman for the sake of family, society, church or themselves ought to read this and consider where will their life be down the road.

Word....

Being Here But Not Here

I’ve heard this reference a couple of times in the last week or so which made me think of how many times I may be there in body, but not particularly there in mind. When I’m aware of what’s happening, sometimes my brain races looking for reasons that sent me to be in that state of mind and then I think, is it just me?

Is it my fault or is it technology’s fault?

I find it interesting that it used to be that in order to get news a person had to read the morning paper or stay up until late evening hours. Nowadays information is readily at my fingertips if I just want to search; then again there’s the option of getting blasted with texts, emails, alerts about things may happen all around me, perhaps even in my neighborhood, city, state, country or the other side of the world, is all of that too distracting for me to stay focused in the here and now at a given time?

Seems humans to yearn for connection while wanting to have all the conveniences of a modern world. I can call relatives on the other side of the country, check my bank account balance, purchase movie tickets on my phone all at the same time while possibly ignoring the person who met me at the movie theater to spend some time doing something fun. See the irony there? I consider myself to be a social & extrovert, and good at multitasking, but it may just be a cop out for bad behavior...

I seem to have no problem connecting with someone on another continent and share experiences, personal feelings down to intimate details yet I don’t know my own neighbors. I sit at work with open cubicles, navigate daily life on trains and city walks with my headphones on because, well--I don’t want to offend people with the music or podcasts I listen to, but is it really a ploy keep others away? Have I have turned my life into headphone city? When did that happen and why?

There are events, parties, social occasions to meet others face to face and interact with fellow human beings and yet it isn’t uncommon for two or three (or many) of us to whip out our mobile devices to text someone who is not there, chat with so and so 1 mile away or stay ‘in touch’ with a virtual world while the real world passes us by but hey, as long as everyone else is doing it it is okay for me to do it right? Isn’t that an interesting phenomenon? I’ve seen two people sitting in a restaurant across from each other (as in a possible dinner date?) and place their phones right by their silverware--is it because our virtual lives are THAT important? Some people some people might call it the 21st. Century--some might just call it right down disrespectful and rude,

Sure I live in what is turning to be a global community. I connect with people, information, science, sports, world events, politics, entertainment in many forms of  media, but I’m realizing that all of that noise may be keeping me away from real life itself. Is that a new level of social awareness? Is it healthy? For additional illustration purposes I tried expressed my thoughts in first person--hard exercise, and not just because how hard it is to own up to my own issues--but if any change may be needed it needs to start with me.

Any opinions/thoughts?

Can I have you ignore the real person in front of you, next to you or around you so you can address my virtual, random ponderings? :-)

How do I undo what’s been done?

Sorry this is long...

Background:  more than a few years ago when I first came out to my mother (I was still married, trying to make sense of what it all meant, how it affected me, my now ex-wife and children) mom came to see me from Texas at my request. I wasn’t sure how I needed her at the time, but asking her to “be there” was all I could think of. That request turned nightmarish, she projected the entire experience onto herself—she always loved making things about herself—and in true fashion before heading home and in a ditch effort to ‘rope me back in’ told me to leave everything, my wife/children and fully return to the LDS church, an ultimatum of sorts. 

I reacted the only way I could at the moment--that she had no right to ask me to do anything,  that she was a dangerous person, she always made things about her, manipulated people into doing what she wanted using whatever means and ways she could (there’s stories I don’t even want to write about). I told her I didn’t want her anywhere near my family, I wanted no contact until I felt it was safe for me to do that. It took a few months for me to feel comfortable talking to her again, slowly and very much at a distance. Additionally my ex and mom never really found any common ground, not having to deal with each other was/is probably 85% of my problems being solved so I don’t think my ex-wife really has many courteous things to say about my mom.

Coming out fully a few years ago, I explained to my mother that I wasn’t seeking any kind of approval or permission. While our relationship has sort of improved at a respectable level, I never supported any kind of reconnection with my two kids, in my mind I kept seeing her manipulative ways with some of my nephews and nieces so in sort of a selfish way, I protected them from her—I don’t know if cancer has made her reflect on a lot of things—maybe because I don’t see her every day, but she seems to have calmed her ways—perhaps not and it just seems like it to me. 

Recently my sister made mom a Facebook profile and requested to have my kids added as friends of hers. My kids’ reaction to that initially was “mmmh, not now” which I think is fair. I saw some of my son’s postings about it, he feels she has not made an effort to make contact, get to know them; she’s apparently kept in some kind of contact with the other grandchildren. Yes they’re resentful, but a big part of it was my doing—and I admit it is my fault—I don’t know that their relationship would have gone sour or improved had I not explicitly asked her not to contact them. She is not even on Facebook that much that I can tell, but I honestly don’t know what kinds of things reconnecting them would cause, positive/negative ones? She does ask me about the kids on our phone conversations and I talk in generalities to both.

Gaaaaah, this has gone too long already--if you're still reading: I’m a little torn, but I’m willing to accept my share of blame in causing much of this, I just don’t know if it is now too late to fix it. She is 71 so it isn’t like we have all the time in the world to see what happens in the future. It’s a mix of guilt and wanting to get this resolved ASAP. Maybe I’ll talk to the kids, do some explanations and see what evolves from that—the thought has been in my head for a few weeks. What if anything can be done at this point? Is it my job to intercede, explain, resolve? Do I drag the kids to Texas in person? Do I leave it alone? So much I don’t even know where to begin.... thoughts anyone?

Reflections on 20 years

Today would have been the 20th wedding anniversary---

I reflect on it, not because I wish I was still married or because I miss all of that craziness that should have never happened, but because of how far I've come since I took a deep breath and decided I had to do something about it all or it was going to end up killing me.

Yes, back then I wanted the fairy tale, I wanted the family, the house with a white picket fence, kids and a dog--hearing from my religious leader at age 23 that getting married would give me a sexual outlet and do away with my feelings felt like the silver bullet I'd been looking for all along--yes it was naive of me to think that way--but even in 1993 there didn't seem to be any other viable alternative. I didn't know any out/open gay person, I didn't know of affirmation, evergreen (thank heavens) or other support groups, although they apparently existed back then--even so, the possibility exists that anyone who would have wanted to knock some sense into me would not have succeeded--I was that determined to make everyone happy--everyone but me--and prove that I could do this.

I struggled for years figuring out how to undo the mess I had created and how dragged my now ex-wife and two children into it all and realized over and over that no matter what I did it was going to be painful if not deadly. How could I say the words out-loud, how could I admit that the choices I had made back then caused more damage and kept increasing the misery day by day? How could I have done that to someone else? To myself? Just how? Sleepless nights were spent thinking about this, crazy days were spent worrying about that; days turned into months, months turned into years, when was the madness going to end?

Years later I very much realize that what didn't kill me did make me stronger, and surprise, it really got better---I have my two children who in spite of it all still want to have a relationship with me, love me and make me proud to be their dad; a relationship with a loving, caring partner who is my best friend and who motivates and encourages me to be a better person every day--something that I couldn't even wrap my head around a few years ago; I have caring friends who have been there for me in many ways in my deepest, darkest times.

My current life can probably only be explained as a combination of luck and blessings--and yet it is still product of the decision made 20 years ago so I really can't complain, it would be silly of me to say it was a mistake, I wouldn't be where I am had it not been for where I was on 7/23/1993.

It is still interesting how life makes one reflect...

What a week it has been!!

 

Last week was a whirlwind of activity. After it was announced on Tuesday that the Supreme Court was going to roll out all of their rulings on Wednesday things got crazy on social media. I could hardly sleep on Tuesday night and kept refreshing my web browsers for a while trying to make sense of it all. 

So in short (at least as far as my brain understands): DOMA is down, at least parts of it. Still kind of unclear if some or any of the federal benefits that are awarded to marriages translate to a couple living in a state where same-sex marriage is not recognized--some days it really depends on who is talking about it. Proposition 8 is dead and California gay marriages  are back and happening. 

Now comes another part of this. How do we make Equality Marriage possible in all 50 states. I keep thinking that it may actually be up to the courts--forget referendums, forget elections-if California's constitution can be challenged as to what defines a marriage, the same can certainly happen in the rest of the states that have done the same.One of my relatives went as far as to tell me on Facebook that Utah may not be the place for me to live. I think that's bunk--instead of running off somewhere else I want to stay here and fight for it in as much as I can, it is hard to tell exactly how right now, but that's what I believe.

I posted the following link with my own commentary:

"We have to work hard and make this happen. 

Yes, I could go and live/work to any other state that currently allows Marriage Equality but I am not going anywhere Utah...

I'm going to do what I can so that younger generations of kids and people

 (of any religion or cultural origin),

 are not afraid to come out and be themselves. 

If it takes 5 years, 10 years--however long it takes, bring it on!"

Marriage Equality in Utah Within 5 Years

So here we go, what can we do? Who can I talk to? How is it going to happen? Those are just some of my thoughts. I know I can't do it all alone, but I can certainly try to contribute in my own way. So I say get out the boxing gloves, learn about activism and hang on for a wild ride, it's going to be interesting!

Get Your Pride On!!!

 

Pride is here. It is a good time to celebrate--a few years ago I never imagined that I would get to celebrate, let alone participate in any kind of Pride events. Thank heavens that has changed. I posted a link to Seth Anderson's blog on my Facebook wall as a means to get some attention and possibly conversation going, it hope it helps a little--I did get someone at Zumba ask me about it and from the comments, it appears that their impression of Pride are still the debauchery, sinful and sex-driven attitudes--I get it, I used to think the same way so I don't blame them, but I also asked them to give things a chance and see for themselves--we'll see...

I was also talking to someone online who is getting his own wings at being gay and he asked me about what things I thought were important for coming out. I don't know if the things I said meant much to him, or others--those of us who have been out a week, a month, a year or a decade--but today this means a lot to me-but I told him some of the following as one of the things to remember in the process of coming out:

In this day and age, people have a wonderful world and global community at their disposal. Being gay isn't the taboo that it was 30, 20, and even 10 years ago. There are gay people on TV, government, movies, sports, media. More US states have passed gay marriage in the last six months and we are even waiting for decisions to come from the US Supreme Court.

However, it certainly hasn't always been that way and lots of people in all walks of life have fought, lobbied, suffered and have even died (Milk, Stewart and others-- some of whom we might only read obscure references in daily obituaries, or might even mention a partner in an awkward way) have all paved the way and allowed that for us--we need to celebrate them and we need to honor them equally.

Maybe it is just my point of view--but we are living in the best of times--or the worst of times, depending on the side of the fence one sits when it comes to gay issues. I see it as a good thing, if being vocal helps people be aware of the good things that being true to themselves at any of the L-G-B-T-Q (or as someone said: "Whatever") labels or conditions attached to their identity and if it helps someone gain better understanding and awareness (and why not, even gain respect) then it is a very good thing.

So get your rainbow on, celebrate, make good of this great time and just

BE PROUD!!!

No Place At The Table...

 Yesterday afternoon I was riding trax (the lightrail system in Salt Lake City) home and at a certain station, a bunch of missionaries heading out to their assignment got on the train dragging big suitcases. Turns out that instead of being bussed from Provo to the airport, they're pretty much handed a train ticket and sent to catch their flight at the airport on their own--interesting change.

Anyway, once they managed to get in and set their stuff down a couple of them sat nearby and a conversation started almost immediately: where are you going--(these ones are assigned to Cambodia), where are you from, etc, etc, etc. One missionary asked me where I was from and after the normal formalities he asked if I attended church. I said that I don't; he asked if he could know why? I answered "I'm assuming if you're asking me why I don't attend the LDS church and I'll tell you it is because I'm gay and there's no place for me at the table..."

 

The look on his companion went from friendly to a little guarded to serious, but they both still kept the conversation going, it wasn't many stations before I got off the train, but the one chatty elder kept asking some follow up questions and my answer kept revolving around: "there's no room for me at the LDS table, I don't fit in as a gay individual, much less with a partner on your Plan of Salvation elder, think about it--how do I fit in when all the talk is about mom, dad, 3.2 kids and all happily ever after each Sunday in church?".

 

I don't think he was prepared to hear that, but he still managed to say, "God still loves you" and I think he was surprised to hear from me that I know that, I've felt God's love and care for me and that my life is good, I manage to live a full life, I contribute to society, I told them I realize that the LDS church is leaps and bounds from where it was even years ago when the only answer I could get to deal with my situation was to get married hoping to heal it, but lots more needed to be done and I told them: "when you two are apostles, please make it happen so I have a place at your table, until then, there's not a lot that interests me there" at which time they smiled, my stop came, I wished them well and got off the train.

 

I thought about my encounter for a while. Even a few years back I would have never dared tell a complete stranger, let alone a set of LDS missionaries that I am gay and feel as confident expressing myself as anything in life and I honestly don't feel the anxiety I used to feel before talking about it. To me that is a good thing and I've come a long ways; but the bottom line is that indeed there's no place for me at the LDS table--I know a lot of people try to find a place in their own terms perhaps, or based on whatever the church is willing to give them--not me, no thanks--I will NOT fight for a place where all I can hope to do is a figurative place as a server, a cleaner or licking the crumbs that fall on the floor (in the figurative sense again--I don't want church scraps).

 

It is what it is and I'm quite content with my life to beg for full recognition in a place where it doesn't exist, regardless of what people may want me to believe otherwise and well, I've made a life outside that is just as worthwhile without needing their validation--that is a huge thing for me. I know staying in the church helps a lot of people change it from within and hoping something will change sometime and that is great, but I find no use in it...it is what it is.

New Zealand's Maurice Williamson: 'Rainbow across my electorate'

Great speech by this New Zealand's member of Parliament. Lots of common sense words and feeling. It really makes other countries (hint, hint USA) look like they're still in the dark ages...

Equality Signs go Viral

Unless you live in a remote village in the Congo or the Amazon with no news outlets you've seen this sign all over the place. It all started sometime Monday evening, I saw a few people change their Facebook profiles to this and I thought to myself: "great--here we go again, everyone will fall for it and change their profile picture" By the time Tuesday morning rolled around my feed was virtually a sea of red. Part of my reluctance in not changing my profile picture was that I did not want to offend anyone so I still waited but around 7:00 am I could not hold it anymore and pretty much told myself "F*@%-it" and jumped on the bandwagon.

Several of my gay friends liked the new picture--no brainer there, but most impressive was to see several of my "hetero" friends and a couple of family members who are very much allies in gay causes change their own profile pictures the same--several times during the day I chocked up tears of joy--it was electrifying to see more and more people change their pictures to red or some kind of version of it and voicing their support and cheers for us homos...

**I know several of my LDS and/or conservative friends and family are supportive, no question there, but oddly enough most were awkwardly silent all this time--I understand what it feels like to be afraid of what others will think, that people will interpret their 'likes' or even semi-friendly comments the wrong way--I get it. I would like to think that they were silently cheering for gay people in general but most important, thinking of my partner and I--instead of silently disagreeing or hating; and at the end of the day--have to admit that it is kind of hard not to take it personally-

"Sometimes actions 

Speak Louder 

than words"

-heck even an outward disagreement but in good respect would have probably been welcome--oh well, such is life and it is what it is; I'd like to think that I should just leave alone but how? I'll have to think more about this issue eventually, but for now I can not and will not let it bother me.

Of course anything that becomes viral has the chance of getting out of hand--the following pictures have the potential to go either way, so just for pure amusement and delight:

How about some equality bacon?

How about companies jumping on the Marketing fray? A local hotel that is likely grabbing lots of customers now!

Dogs will never discriminate against you--ha!!

In all seriousness:

This movement is happening--now or people will keep fighting for it to happen later. There's no going back. I know there are those who don't agree or don't understand and they may mask it all under the banner of:

"I love my gay friends/relatives

even if I disagree with 

their lifestyle" 

If you think this way, please, get off your high horse!! 

The way I see this whole issue is more about breaking barriers of misunderstanding if we just give people who are 'not like us' a chance. We live in a global society, rich in diversity, beliefs and customs that can enhance each others lives immensely. What we each believe in is irrelevant--it has more to do with how we treat each other because whether we live next door or 2000 miles away we're all connected and it affects our lives directly. In this day and age it is unfathomable to think that gay marriage would affect anyone negatively. There has been gay marriage in countries of Europe, Canada, Argentina, South Africa and even Mexico that have not affected morals, religions or society--for heaven's sake, why is the United States behind the times?

Gay marriage is not out to destroy anyone's marriage, the only gay agenda that exists is to get the same rights and privileges that a marriage contract brings which apparently go way beyond 1000--some of the are the right to be in the hospital with my partner if he/I get sick, right to inheritance, right to make life decisions, file taxes and have access to each others retirements without having to jump through hurdles that legal contracts now have-there are lots of laws that affect this and that's all.

I don't necessarily wish to marry my partner in a religious ceremony--and especially not in a church that is not affirming. I don't want to demand a LDS temple marriage, that is not the focus of this movement at all and anyone who thinks the contrary is out on left field--gay marriage doesn't put anyone's morals, values in question, but those who fight against it are showing their true colors--just think a little bit about that!

Feel free to share this with anyone you see fit--let's get the word out:

--it is time...

it really is time!!

Dinner Parties or Friendly Dinners?

The idea started a few months ago after we hosted a birthday party in October, we had a huge turnout and honestly, our apartment was too small and crowded to feel comfortable. We realized that the layout of our place is not good for big gatherings so being social creatures we talked about what would be a possible good alternative.

I remember my parent’s house being a gathering place for family and friends and once I moved out on my own, before I was married my little apartment became the place to go to after church, make a batch of whatever we were eating and share with about 5-6 friends. Once I got married I tried to keep this going but busy lives for us and my friends-and our/their wives just got in the way---see what I did there? he, he--they mainly didn't get along with each other so what was the point?...um; probably best to just leave that one alone. Also while growing up my parents had us kids set the table-it wasn’t anything more than get out the place mats, plates, utensils and drinking cups but it still had the feeling of a formal time to sit and eat together. I’ve gone back and do all those things when the kids come over to eat dinner on Wednesdays or Sundays as much as possible—I don’t know why I lost that and at what point eating with paper plates, and disposable cups became the norm—funny how some things happen in life.

Um...sorry about the tangent!

Back to the issue--Jeff and I decided that we would host smaller dinners with fewer people to get more of the intimate feeling and still be able to have a good time with others once in a while. So we’ve been inviting people over for dinner—at first it was once a week but then it became too much of a production and it seems to work best if we do it once every couple of weeks—typically a Monday night or adjust as needed based on schedules; but we go all out with the good plates, the good wine glasses, fabric napkins, napkin rings, full utensil set up the whole nine yards, what's the use of having fancy dishes if they never get used?—and I LOVE IT!

The best part is that we are able to reconnect with people from different points of life, singles, couples, we had Jeff’s ex-partner; we've also invited the first friend I ever admitted being gay to, new friends and old friends—It is fun to come up with “who are we inviting over next?” and figure out all the details. People are super-nice, we get to know them a little better and have a good meal, dessert, and wine or whatever drinks to share and good conversation. Most important we are back to what both of us enjoy doing, being social and hosting people at the house.

We’ve talked about branching out and consider inviting people we would normally not have over; maybe a married couple from my old days at church, or a couple of people from our Zumba class, a straight couple and yes, even some relatives without making it an official family function--in short invite people and yes, possibly even someone that would very much put us out of our comfort zone (sounds silly in my head, I know but we need to add all of these people to our list). 

I've loved bringing this part of myself back--I really do like doing it. So if you read this and have not been invited yet, or if you’ll be in Salt Lake City soon and have an evening to spare and some flexibility let me know, we would love to have you over and as the old saying goes:  “break bread", share some wine-or whatever your drink of choice is-have good conversation and laugh ourselves silly--really, do it! 

Downtown Escapades

Small shops on 300 South

Signs of Spring are finally showing--yay!!

It has been a particularly cold winter in Utah and while I've learned to deal with most of it, there comes a moment when it would really be nice to start feeling the warmth of the sun and the season that is starting to change. Since work moved me right smack to Downtown Salt Lake City, I've been taking little adventures on foot during lunch.

Interesting how some places show start contrasts between the new and the old!

I believe Salt Lake is a good walking city. Of course everyone is used to seeing mainly the most popular spots (Temple Square, State Capitol) and while they're beautiful in their own right, there are a lot of other quirky places that have lots of local charm, history and oddly enough plenty of diversity.

Entrance to the First Methodist Church in SLC

What is most interesting to me is the level of interesting stuff that I'm able to find while walking around town, rather than riding in a car--yes I know there's a difference but I really enjoy this and of course I get to take advantage of the physical exercise wandering around town. I set up an album on Facebook to keep track of these findings and while I do want to also take shots of the popular areas--I want to be able to find good places that just beg to be photographed.

Interesting Mural on a Wall

The Perks of Being Human...

 

I saw The Perks of Being a Wallflower last weekend. My daughter had told me it was pretty good and I happened to see it at Red Box so I decided to rent it. I think I have a new tear-jerker movie (you know, the kind that you pop in the VCR when you need a good cry--Steel Magnolias is in that category).

The story (without giving too much away) is of a teen-aged writer who is starting High School the anxiety of the social patterns of teenagers, his family dynamics and the friends that take him under his wing. I couldn't make it more than 10 minutes between scenes without crying...yeah I'm a sappy old man...

There are lots of things I wish I could go back and do-over in my life but High School and my teenage years is NOT one of them, I identified very much with the wallflower character, unsure of what was going on at any given time, not really even aware of my surroundings, not even knowing what made me tick and afraid of finding any of it out at the same time if that makes sense, not knowing which adults to trust--and trusting the ones with their own agenda who managed to ruin it for me.

Still, I do think it was a good movie, lots of things to reflect on and if nothing else just a good story. I probably give it 3.5 stars (like the good movie reviewer that I am!) There's one phrase that stuck with me from the movie that has given me a lot to think about:

"We all accept the love we think we deserve"

deep....

Lots of thoughts about living, learning, observing, exploring, hurting and a lot of other human emotions. Don't watch it without tissues, you will need them!

If you've seen it, what do you think?

Song on the Sand - From La Cage Aux Folles

I try not to be too sappy on Valentine's day--after all if I want to profess love to my partner it should be done any day and every day if I want to--no need to have a day to remind me, but I find it both funny and maybe ironic that a song from a musical takes me there and I got to learn that this show is the musical version of the movie The Birdcage which I really like.

Anyway...

While browsing around Facebook I saw a message from Carol Lynn Pearson where she talks about stories related to this video:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yYAHkm0t-mY

La Cage Aux Folles--the play was significant to Carol Lynn's husband who was dying of AIDS and wanted to see it--for the first time in theater it was the story of 2 guys in romantic love, something that even in the early 80's was not so open. In contrast she says that times are better, we can now be more open about our love, talk about it, show pictures and make it an open and public issue. Yes, times change, people's perceptions and even self-acceptance change.

Something about sharing...
Something about always...

okay, I'll stop the sappiness...

Still, long before knowing songs about love, I grew up knowing that Valentine's day was more than a day to celebrate romantic love:

In Spanish we say: Feliz Dia del Amor y la Amistad = Happy day of love and friendship and in my mind, love isn't only romantic, it should be shared in its many wonderful forms--that's just how it should be!

Adventures in Mass Transit

 

This is a story about how I messed what should have been a pleasant experience into a nightmare just because I didn't pay attention to 1 vital detail. I was going to ride the bus home on a weeknight after work. I looked at the UTA Transit website for possible routes and alternatives. Narrowed it down to 2 and decided to head out to take a short ride on Trax (the Salt Lake City light rail system) to catch my bus connection that would leave me literally steps away from my complex. I have taken this bus home before (but probably not within the last couple of months).

What I failed to check was the map for my connection bus. Apparently the system has changes ever so often and I waited for what I expected to be my connection bus that never came. By the time I realized the error (after browsing on my phone and calling UTA) I hurried to catch Trax again to a central station which took about 10 minutes to get there, I hoped that I would be able to catch the next bus but missed it just barely as the train was turning I saw my missed bus turning opposite corners. Once I got to the central station the next line was not due for at least 1/2 hour, so I looked for an alternative route which was not due for at least 20 minutes.

I texted Jeff to alert him that I was on my way and not to panic (I should have been home at least a 1/2 hr by this time and was still waiting to get on a bus) frustration can not even begin to describe how I was feeling. I finally took a bus that took forever because by now traffic is full on rush hour. I made it home about 1.5 hours after leaving work---I could have probably walked home and be home way sooner than that. 

I felt so tired from that ordeal that I was about to write an angry letter to UTA but then again, it was my fault for assuming that nothing had changed--which had and from a conversation with a co-worker it appears that things are changing again in a couple of weeks, so I better beware. Still--and I'm not trying to blame anyone here, what happened was my fault--Salt Lake City has never really been a mass-transit premier city. I get that they're trying to get on a level of other major cities in the US but it really is a long ways before this happens and until then people are probably not going to feel comfortable enough to leave their cars home and opt for an alternative ways of transportation.

One positive thing though is that in a couple of months there will be a direct light-rail line that will be running right by my house and will drop me about a block from work. I better get my navigation skills sharpened until this happens, I don't want to be stuck in mass transportation hell again!

Cabin Fever Brings Random Thoughts

 

January came with some of the coldest temperatures I've ever seen in Utah. I don't think that the snow from Christmas ever melted. Salt Lake also gets one of the worst inversions that I know of. Some TV reports were mentioning that we live among the dirtiest air in the United States. Consequently exercising outside (or doing anything outdoors) is pretty much impossible. We went out for a walk on Saturday morning which was still too cold for much else--all I can say is I do hope Spring comes soon--it really is time to start warming up.

Last week's snow storm removed most of the mucky air and we started breathing normal again. Instead of running outside like I love to do normally I've been restricted to find other ways of doing activity, but I was invited to a Zumba class not too far from where I live and that's what I have been doing for the last couple of months as far as physical exercise--true that the ungodly hour of 5:30am made me cringe initially but it isn't so bad once you get going. 

Oddly enough the class is in an LDS Church building. Walking in there back in November was a little (no, it was VERY weird) but aside from the opening prayer the classes are pretty secular and hey, who doesn't like to do a sexy move now and then? The attendees are people from all walks of life, Whites, Blacks, Polynesians, Hispanics and the only thing that matters there is that you move in the general direction that everyone else is going---it took me a little bit to wrap my head around the things that go on there from the stand of seeing so many come together doing something that is so much fun and healthy.

Of course since I get to go with Jeff (and let's face it, the man has got moves!) it is pretty obvious that we're partners--it is interesting how we're navigating that part--most people just say "Miguel and his friend" and at first I felt a need to make a point that we're not just friends, but I honestly don't want to make a big deal out of it--there's no need to get bitchy and in your face with people that are gracious enough to provide a free class and do anything to make people uncomfortable, oh and it is pretty obvious that we're not the only homos there but if someone asks I'm not ashamed to say we're together and  I see this as my own version of building bridges and if this helps even 1 active LDS member feel better for LGBT folks it is a good start, if not then I figure kill them with fabulous Zumba moves above all else--so we'll see how this experiment turns out but I have to admit, it has been a fun way to exercise so far!